Desert Lullaby
by Persepolis130
Summary: When Gaara announces to Lee that they should have a baby, Lee is baffled but accepting. But do Temari and Kankuro feel the same? How will Gaara like his new doctor? And is forest green really an acceptable color for a nursery? leegaa gaalee MPreg
1. The Proposal

Desert Lullaby

by persepolis130

Notes: I needed a Gaara MPREG, so I wrote one. (grins) It's not necessary to have read any other fics before this one, but this takes place with Maldoror's Lee/Gaara universe in mind; her characterizations are practically canon to me. For those who don't know her stuff, assume that Gaara got Shukaku back inside of him and that Lee has been permanently posted at Suna and has an ongoing relationship with Gaara that both reassures and terrifies his siblings (and the general populace).

CHAPTER 1: THE PROPOSAL

"Let's have a baby."

Lee nearly choked as the contents of the protein drink he was gulping decided to go down the wrong pipe. As it came back up again, he was struck by the sudden revelation that soy stung nasal passages horribly. It was not a welcome one.

Gaara waited quietly, hands still at his sides, seemingly oblivious both to Lee's discomfort and the scorching mid-afternoon sun beating down on him in the open training ground.

When Lee had finally gotten his bronchial passages clear enough that he no longer felt as if he might suffocate by breathing, he said the only logical thing that came to mind:

"Nyuhuuh?"

Gaara crossed his arms, looking slightly put-out. "I said--"

"I heard what you said!" Lee interrupted, waving his hands in front of him. It was disturbing enough the first time, he definitely did NOT need to hear it again. His system might not be able to take it. Where the hell had THIS come from? A BABY?

Gaara frowned, apparently unsure how to take Lee's reaction. "You don't like children," he proposed.

"Wha-- of course I do!" he sputtered, "You know that! I love them! They're so little and cute and cuddly, and they--"

"But you don't want to have one with me." Gaara looked annoyed, as if Lee wanting to "have a baby" with him were a foregone conclusion. In fact, now that he'd had a moment to think about it, Lee wasn't even quite sure what he meant. Gaara DID realize that this sort of thing required a woman, right? Was he talking about adopting? A surrogate mother? Or…?

"It's not that! It's just that this whole thing is…　ah…" Lee shook his head and took another swig of his energy drink to buy himself some time. He decided it didn't taste as good after he'd had it up his nose. How to tackle this one…?

Searching for the right words to express his trepidation, concern, and bewilderment all rolled into one, he finally settled on "… it's complicated."

"Complicated?" To Lee's dismay, Gaara took this well-thought-out comment just as badly as his previous unthinking ones. If anything, his annoyance level increased. "Explain," he demanded.

Explain. Right. Perfect. "Well first off, since neither of us is a woman--"

"It's a simple transformation jutsu. All I need to do is make certain aspects of my body female and hold it for nine months. Given the size of my chakra reserves, the strain will be quite negligible. I assure you, it's far from complicated."

Make his body female. Right. That explained that. The only thing stranger than Gaara marching onto the training grounds and announcing out of the blue that he wanted to bear Lee's child was the fact that he'd actually thought the notion through. And had deemed it easy. Let's have a baby! Sure, no problem! It was almost as if Gaara were suggesting they take a vacation together, or say… buy a new couch. Baby? Sure, let's pick up one of those! It'd look great in the den!

The difficulties and… inherent weirdness… of the actual physical act aside, having a child would totally change their lives. Gaara however, being who he was, failed to see the implications it would have, not to mention the strain it would cause on their relationship. They'd been practically married for years now, Lee a nearly constant fixture in Suna nowadays, but this was (oh so shockingly!) not something they'd discussed before. It wasn't as if Lee himself had never pondered the idea of children before (and dismissed it summarily). But to Lee's knowledge, Gaara had never even touched a child, much less contemplated having one.

There was no way he could explain all this to Gaara though. Presenting abstract social concepts to him tended to earn Lee a disgruntled scowl, along with the occasional comment about the stupidity of humans. Which, in turn, forced Lee to insist that Gaara was human as well, which led Gaara to quietly state that he wasn't, and the conversation never really went anywhere useful. Unless you considered sleeping on the couch useful. Though Lee was still sure Gaara hadn't MEANT to lock him out of the bedroom that time...

In any case, it looked like training was over for the time being. Sighing, Lee walked over and plopped down on a partially shaded outcropping on the edge of the field, setting what was left of his drink at his feet. He patted the rock beside him for Gaara to sit down. His boyfriend seated himself somewhat stiffly, regarding Lee with an guarded yet expectant expression.

"Look, Gaara, I'm really… ah, flattered… that you'd want to do this and all… y'know, um… having my… uh… you know…" he scratched the back of his neck.

"Baby?" Gaara offered.

"Yeah, that!" Lee squeaked. Wow, he still hadn't wrapped his mind around that concept yet! "But…" He tried to find a point of attack that would make the reality of the situation clear to Gaara. Though explaining reality to a man who'd just expressed the desire to bear your child seemed like a daunting task.

"Well…" Lee pressed bravely forward, "what about your job, your dedication to protect the people of Suna? I mean, what good is a pregnant Kazekage? Not-- not that the Kazekage can't be pregnant!" He backpedaled, trying his best not to be confrontational. That and he was oddly intrigued by the concept. Or maybe he'd just lost his mind.

"But Gaara, I mean, you couldn't fight that way! And… what if the jutsu didn't work? And if it did, what would your people think when they found out? I mean, it's hardly normal for a man to have a baby! And what about your brother and sister…" Lee trailed off as he imagined the look on Temari's face when her little brother told her Lee had knocked him up. Right before she beat the living crap out of him. It was an image he could've done without.

"I'm sure my siblings would be able to cover some of my more physical duties when I'm no longer able," Gaara pointed out. "They've done so before."

"…that's not really what I meant when I said…"

"I should be fine for anything but Kage level missions up until the last few months. The jutsu is sound. I've tested it several times, and it's fairly easy to maintain. We'll make provisions in the early stages and plan to reinforce closer to the city. I've been examining logs for the past few months, and if we pull back on the Western frontier, our defenses would be only minimally lowered. Any mission too involved could simply be turned down, or referred to Konoha. Our alliance is strong enough at this point that-- Lee, why do you have that look on your face?"

Lee couldn't help but gape, his brain hardly having gotten past the "tested it several times" part. "Gaara… you… how long have you been thinking about this?"

Gaara frowned slightly and turned to gaze across the empty training grounds. "I've come to realize that humans seem to enjoy reproduction," he said, "and not only for the sex."

Lee felt his face flush at the mention of the word in a public place, doing his best not to let his imagination run wild at the mention of sex combined with the thought of Gaara "testing" his jutsu. "Gaara…"

His boyfriend made a small gesture with his right hand, dismissing Lee's half-formed protest. "In any case, humans seem to have a basic desire to pass along their genes to the next generation. To ensure that their clan, family jutsu, and traditions continue into the future. This is apparently common knowledge," he finished, clearly wondering why he needed to explain at all.

Lee shrugged, face still a little red even if no one was around to hear them. "It's not… it's not like it's necessary or anything though. Not everybody wants to. And I mean, I've got plenty of cousins with kids, and you've got your brother and sister who'll have kids too, so…"

This earned Lee a snort and a sideways glare. "You hardly even know your cousins. They don't count. And I'm not concerned about myself."

Lee started to disagree, to insist that his cousins' children were indeed part of his family, (all while trying to digest the "not concerned about myself" comment) when he heard Gaara mumble something.

Lee stopped mid-sentence and waited patiently for his boyfriend to repeat himself. He'd learned over time that this was the best method of dealing with a reticent Gaara. He'd mentioned something once about the sudden blaring silence. But when Gaara didn't say anything right away, his head turned down toward his lap and hair hanging in front of his eyes, Lee felt a bit concerned. "Gaara?"

"I thought you'd like the idea," Gaara finally said in a quiet voice, turning to Lee. His eyes were narrowed, mouth set, and a small crease marked the space between where his eyebrows should be. He looked…

Hurt. As if he'd been sure Lee would think it was a great idea, and now he couldn't fathom where his reasoning had gone wrong.

"I know, it's okay" Lee told him, taking one of his hands in his own and giving it a soft squeeze. "I understand." Yeah, right. It didn't make any sense at all! It was so rare for his partner to show so much emotion, even now that they'd been together for so long, and Lee felt a wave of guilt wash over himself. Even if he had no clue why this would bother Gaara.

"Look, just… let me think about it, alright?" he asked softly. "I'm not trying to upset you, but this is a lot to process in such a short amount of time! And while it's obvious you've given it some thought, I don't think you really understand what it would mean... Setting aside your duties won't be easy for you, and who knows how your system would take having a jutsu forcefully held for so long. And babies take a lot of time to care for. And money. And love. And…"

Gaara's expression was as close to a pout as Lee had ever seen it, and he sighed. Where had his boyfriend gotten this idea anyway? No wait, never mind. He didn't want to know. Not with his mind in its current fragile state, anyway. "Let me think about it, alright Gaara?"

Gaara nodded and stood up, abruptly letting go of Lee's hand as he headed back to the village. If anyone else had done it, it would've seemed rude, but Lee knew Gaara didn't mean it that way. It was just how he was. "Think about it hard." Gaara said over his shoulder.

"I will," Lee assured him, giving Gaara's back the Nice-Guy Pose for good measure. "I promise!"

In retrospect, that might've been a bad move.


	2. The Announcement

Notes: Thanks for all the amazing support from everyone who commented about the first chapter. I'm so incredibly flattered! This particular chapter has a serious grudge against me, no joking. And it somehow came out as being from Temari's POV. It turned out alright though… I hope…

CHAPTER 2: THE ANNOUNCEMENT

"Gaara and I have decided to start a family."

Lee's declaration was met by dead silence and two very blank stares.

"Uh… what did you say?" Kankuro was the first to recover, squirming in his seat.

Temari gave the older of her brothers a quick nervous glance before turning back to her younger one and his boyfriend. The two of them were standing side by side in front of the Kazekage's desk, Gaara unreadable as usual and Lee with a look of stoic determination on his face.

"A family?" she asked in disbelief. Earlier today, Gaara had asked her and Kankuro to meet with him in his office to discuss something he'd dubbed "important." He'd mentioned neither the fact that Lee would be there, nor the fact that the meeting might cause her severe mental trauma. She was rather annoyed.

"We've discussed the matter thoroughly," Lee declared, "and have decided that the time is right for us to have a child."

Temari blinked. She must've heard wrong. Really, she MUST have, because Lee did NOT just say what she thought he did. She swallowed hard and cleared her throat but found that when she opened her mouth, nothing came out. She REALLY must've heard wrong because…

"Well, I've heard some weird shit in my life, but I think this takes the cake. Right Sis?" Kankuro asked, scratching the back of his neck. He was now leaned back in his chair, Karasu resting against his leg, a good-natured expression on his painted face.

"Kankuro…" Temari hissed at him, hand drifting reflexively toward the fan on her back.

The ninja in question raised his hands in acquiescence and shook his head. "Look, when our little brother called us in here for a 'special meeting,' I expected a hellova lot worse. Like… I dunno," he scratched his head, "war or something. Compared to that, this ain't really all that big of a deal. It's just a kid, right? People adopt 'em all the time. How much harm could it be?"

"Ah… about that…" Lee began.

Temari's ignored him, her jaw dropping at Kankuro's comment. "You're NOT serious. Tell me you're not serious."

Her brother shrugged. "Could'a been worse."

Temari didn't think she believed him. Something worse than her marginally sane little brother and his clearly nutty boyfriend adopting a child? Not likely.

"Yeah, well," Kankuro added with a shrug, "that and I'm probably in some weird kinda denial. But it's working pretty good so far."

"Kankuro-san," Lee began, face a strange shade of red, "When you say 'adopt,' ah… that's not really correct. You see, Gaara and I have discussed the possibilities and implications at length and decided--"

"Wait. Just wait," Temari told him, trying to clear her head. For a moment, she thought her baby brother and his freakishly-coiffed boyfriend had called them together in the Kazekage's office to discuss their plan to raise a child, but she was clearly mistaken. She had to be. Even a man who wore a green spandex body suit and leg warmers couldn't possibly come up with something that monumentally foolish.

And just imagine the poor child. What kind of trauma would he face on a daily basis? Life in an orphanage would be better than becoming a part of their family, no matter what the benefits of being related to the Kazekage might be. And growing up with those two as parental figures? Temari shuddered at the thought. Gaara had gotten so much better over the years, but she still wouldn't want to put a small child in her brother's presence, much less have him raise it. But then Lee had just said they didn't plan to adopt, so what the hell was he even saying?

Next to Lee, whose mouth was set and unsightly brows furrowed in firm determination , Gaara stood impassively before her. His expression hadn't changed since he'd gotten here, his gourd hanging still on his back, and Temari decided that he seemed the most sane of the pair at the moment. Though judging from the fact that he was going along with all this, it was a pretty close call. "Gaara," she told him, "explain."

"Lee and I have decided to have a baby," her brother said.

"…oh…" Damn.

Kankuro shook his head in passive disbelief and rubbed his forehead with callused fingertips.

"As Lee has stated, adoption is not our plan. Nor is a surrogate mother," Gaara continued.

Kankuro paused, hand still against his forehead. "Huh?"

Temari would have hit him, but she suddenly found herself unable to do much of anything. Including breathing.

"Temari-san, Kankuro-san," Lee began, looking very serious as he commenced his speech, "Gaara and I have discussed the situation and have developed a sound method of support for this endeavor. We have everything planned out, even details about strengthening our alliance with Konoha as a cover for additional assistance during the last few months and directly after the birth. This will help to make the transition as smooth as possible. We have decided to announce it to the two of you before we started, since we know how much of a burden it will lay upon Suna, and especially both of you."

Kankuro raised his hands and shook his head in obvious incomprehension. "But what the hell does that mean?"

But Temari had the horrible sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her she had a pretty good idea.

"Uh…" Lee's face burned red, and he looked as if he wanted the ground to swallow him up.

"Oh fuck…" Temari moaned, leaning down to rest her head in her hands.

"I am going to bear Lee's child," Gaara said as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

Kankuro's face suddenly turned a strange shade of green. "…oh you gotta be shitting me…"

Alright, Temari told herself. Just stay calm. No need to overreact. Just think about this rationally. Take a deep breath. Good. Don't grab the armrests so hard you crush them. Perfect. Sit up and look at them. Okay. Now just stay cool and calmly ask them--

"Have you both LOST YOUR MINDS!"

Lee winced and took a step closer to Gaara, as if it might somehow protect him from her wrath. Oh how wrong he was!

"We're both quite sane," Gaara replied, entirely nonplussed.

"You want to-- to--" Temari sputtered, nearly shaking with fury, "to have a-- a--"

"Baby," Gaara supplied helpfully. "This is what Lee has said from the beginning."

Temari suddenly really wanted to cut her ears off. And quite possibly a very specific part of Lee's anatomy as well. This was all his fault, after all. It must've shown on her face, because Lee now looked as if he truly might wet himself.

"So let me get this straight," Kankuro said. "You two are actually… literally… aw fuck me, never mind! Seriously, don't tell me. I don't wanna know!"

"I'm planning to use a specially-designed jutsu," Gaara told him, frowning slightly.

"I said I didn't wanna know!"

Gaara crossed his arms and looked displeased.

Temari took a deep, cleansing breath, stifled the urge to beat Lee to a bloody pulp, and very politely asked her youngest brother to explain himself. Through clenched teeth.

"The jutsu will alter my body physically enough to accommodate the conception and formation of a child. Because it's such a small-scale, simple physical transformation, holding it for the required period of time won't be difficult. The change should have minimal effects on my body, and my abilities should only be hindered toward the end, when excessive physical activity would harm an unborn child."

Though she did feel substantially more enlightened, Temari sort of wished she hadn't asked. Because that picture? Not pretty.

"But what about… uh…" Kankuro motioned vaguely toward the Kazekage and his boyfriend, "the… um…"

"Shukaku?" Gaara asked.

Kankuro, Lee, and Temari froze.

It was a well-understood rule that no one mentioned Gaara's unwelcome tenant, especially by name. Everyone knew about it, but nobody talked about it. It was taboo. But here Gaara was, openly acknowledging the creature that had driven him to the brink of sanity, and quite possibly beyond.

And now that he mentioned it, Temari, dazed as she was, realized what he was saying. If he were to-- oh holy shit-- carry a baby, he might have to protect it from Shukaku's influence the way he protected himself. That combined with the draining physical effects of a slow chakra burn over the course of nine months-- oh this wasn't happening!-- might be too much for him to handle.

"You don't need to worry about Him," Gaara stated. "He won't be able to hurt the baby. Or anyone else. The jutsu will shield the baby, and I am strong enough now not to lose control over Him."

Kankuro fidgeted, fingering at Karasu's fingers on his lap. "Uh yeah, that's great, but what about the… uh… I mean… y'know…" he motioned toward Lee, "the eyebrows?"

Gaara blinked and turned to his brother, his expression blank. "What about them?"

Temari was suddenly out of her chair, on her feet, and gripping Kankuro by the front of his uniform, shaking him for all she was worth. "THAT'S what you're concerned about! The EYEBROWS! Your little brother the Kazekage tells you he's going to have a baby, and you're concerned about EYEBROWS!"

"Well… yeah!" he exclaimed, looking rather stupefied. "Come on, Temari, don't tell me you ain't thought about it!"

Temari glared at him for a moment more and then wrenched her hands free of his shirt. He hit the floor with an audible "oof!"

"Idiot…" she mumbled. Not that the idea of having a nephew with huge fluffy brows (and bulging eyes, hanging lashes, and a horrifying fashion sense) didn't frighten her beyond reason, but there were much bigger issues to deal with here. Like demons and running a nation and pregnant ninjutsu and alliances and water breaking and the Elders and… just thinking about it made her head spin and her ponytails feel exceptionally tight across her scalp.

"Gaara…" she asked slowly, not even sure where to start, "Why do you want to have a baby all the sudden? You don't know anything about being a… uh… mother…" she shuddered.

Gaara nodded, touching the tattoo on his forehead lightly. "Babies are brand new."

She gave him an odd look. What the hell did that mean?

"Brand new…?" she heard Lee say. Apparently, he didn't have a clue what Gaara was saying either. It certainly didn't sound like Gaara, but then this whole conversation had been rather surreal, so maybe this was just par for the course.

"Yes." Gaara replied. "That's why."

"Um… okay then…" Temari told them.

"So…" Kankuro said, not having bothered to pick himself up off the floor, "is that all? Or do you two got any other terrors you wanna unleash?"

"Uh… no, I think that's all for now…" Lee mused, looking thoughtful.

"Yes. We'll go over the details later," Gaara told her and Kankuro. "Leave."

Temari sighed in relief. Sometimes she was glad her youngest brother had the manners of a disgruntled hedgehog.

Kankuro mumbled something as he pulled himself up off the floor, rubbing his ass where he'd smacked down earlier.

So… her socially incapable, agoraphobic, marginally sane, super powerful demon-possessed baby brother was going to have a baby. Holy. Shit. "So we'd… offer congratulations about the… baby," she forced herself to say, "but… I think we need to get used to the idea a little first…"

Kankuro offered a mumbled "damn straight."

Gaara nodded minutely, walking behind his desk and picking up a large stack of papers. "You'll have at least nine months."

"Oh." Temari smiled weakly, trying her hardest not to think about what trials the coming months would bring for all of them. "Goody."


	3. The Plan Set in Motion

CHAPTER 3: THE PLAN SET IN MOTION

"How long is this supposed to take?"

"Well," Lee started, "Ishida-san said the supplies should be here before the end of the week, and I talked to--"

"Not the mission. Starting a baby," Gaara clarified, looking at Lee from across the glossy surface of his polished wood desk as if his boyfriend had lost his mind.

"…right…" The Sand nin had seemed antsy all morning, going about his duties distractedly at best. It was really uncharacteristic and had Lee a bit worried. It had also put few of Gaara's most steadfast Jounin in a state of sheer terror; a twitchy Gaara was nothing to shake a stick at.

"It's been two weeks," Gaara continued, dragging Lee out of his thoughts. "We must be doing something wrong."

When he said it that way, behind the desk and wearing the Kazekage robes of office, it seemed strangely like an official proclamation. Lee rubbed absently at a bruise on his arm he'd picked up during training and peered hesitantly down at a stack of mission requests on Gaara's desk. Thankfully, none of them appeared to involve child-bearing.

"Well, I think it depends, really… I mean, I know sometimes it happens right away, but other times it can take months, even years… I think…"

Gaara took off his Kazekage hat, crossed his arms, and gave Lee a Look. It was the kind of Look Lee got when he stubbornly put himself at an unnecessary (but very useful!) risk during a mission, or insisted that Gaara visit Gai-sensei with him.

Now about that. It wasn't as if Gaara disliked Gai-sensei. Of course not! And Gai-sensei adored Gaara, enough to share his very elegant words on Love in the Springtime of Youth! But no matter how hard he tired, Lee could never make Gaara understand what Gai-sensei meant to him, and his boyfriend didn't quite know how to handle it. Gai-sensei was the first one to ever have confidence in Lee, to cheer him on, to tell him he was worth something! And even if the two of them didn't exactly see eye-to-eye sometimes, Lee knew that Gaara still respected his dearly loved sensei's--

"Lee." Oh yeah, baby.

"Well… come on! It's not like it's something I've had to think about before!" Lee protested. "You're the one who came up with the idea. I mean, not that I'm not happy with it or anything, I don't want you to think that, but I told you I didn't even know if it'd work! I mean, what if the jutsu cancels or something? Or you release it when the baby's born and…"

"It won't. Everything will work fine."

"But since there's no way to know until you do it--"

"I'm strong enough to hold the jutsu for the required period of time. And even when I release it, its effects will remain. If a Katon is cancelled, what's been set on fire keeps burning. If a Suiton drenches an opponent, they don't suddenly become dry when it's released. The jutsu only facilitates the change. Since you can't use chakra, maybe you haven't thought about it."

"But Gaara…" Lee started to protest before he realized he wasn't sure what he was protesting about. Maybe the part about his inability to mold chakra stung a little, even if he knew Gaara didn't mean anything by it…

"I didn't think it would be so difficult to cause an egg to be fertilized, especially when my body is almost constantly releasing them. Human women do it all the time without this sort of special measures. Sometimes," Gaara added with a pointed nod, "when they don't even want to."

Lee idly wondered exactly how much Gaara knew about pregnancy and where he'd learned it. Being who he was, he'd certainly not heard the same barracks talk Lee had, and Lee knew he hadn't attended the Academy seminar. "Well, let's at least give it a few months, Gaara," Lee told him, "There's no need to overreact."

Gaara frowned, clearly unsatisfied with this proposal. Crossing his arms, he slowly walked to the front of his desk to come face to face with Lee. He seemed deep in thought, though over what, Lee didn't know.

Seeing him with such a concerned expression on his face instead of his usual blank one, Lee realized this whole affair must be putting an incredible amount of strain on him. The intricate plan they'd worked out, telling his siblings, arranging the necessary changes and mentally preparing for the new addition to the family… Lee was sure it must be taking its toll on his boyfriend. Even Lee was having a hard time adjusting to the idea, and he wasn't the one who was going to carry the baby!

He wondered if Gaara had decided the whole thing was just too much effort. His responsibilities to Suna were too great, and he'd realized he couldn't balance both them and being a father… or mother… or whatever-- Lee hadn't figured out the technicalities yet-- along with them. Yes, that was probably it. And in truth, Lee couldn't blame him. Surely it was time to halt their efforts, to rethink the--

"We need to have more sex," Gaara declared.

"Whah!" Lee gaped and nearly fell over. That wasn't quite what he'd been expecting!

"Surely you don't need me to explain once more how a pregnancy is accomplished using this particular jutsu."

Lee blinked. And recalled the first time Gaara had "explained" about the physical aspects of his impending pregnancy. About how exactly he could still be a man, yet possess the very female anatomy needed to carry a child. And then, while Lee had stared at him blankly, he had obligingly dropped his pants to verify his claim. The resulting nosebleed had ruined a perfectly good training suit.

"No! No, that's alright, I remember!"

"Then we need to do it more often. This is the only option. At least twice a day. Or maybe three times if I can make room in the afternoons… or maybe several times per night. And afternoons as well. Do you think six times per day would be sufficient, Lee?"

"Uuuuh…" Stumbling back into a chair, Lee suddenly felt very, very tired. Pleasantly horny, but very, very tired…

XXXXX Several Weeks Later XXXXX

Gaara threw up in the middle of a meeting of his senior Jounin advisors.

Lee blamed himself. Gaara had been overworking himself lately, and he should've noticed that the Kazekage wasn't feeling well. He wanted to smack himself for his negligence. Boyfriends were supposed to know this sort of thing!

But lately he'd just been sort of… distracted…

Now it bears mentioning that although he enjoyed a number of different activities with his boyfriend, two of Rock Lee's favorite things to do with Gaara were training and sex. (A mix of the two could also be nice.) Over the years, he'd come to realize that his two favored Gaara-centered activities had a number of things in common. Notably the fact that whenever he did either of them too much, he passed out from exhaustion in strange places.

Some time ago, Lee had decided that occasionally waking up with his face in his rice bowl wasn't really all that bad, given that Gaara was happy. Well, 'happy' might've been a bit too strong of a word to use in his boyfriend's case… but satisfied at least. Not unhappy.

But now that the Kazekage had his mind set on this whole baby thing, satisfying him was slightly harder to do. And really distracting! Of course a constant supply of youthful, athletic, incredibly hot sex wasn't something Lee really felt comfortable complaining about. But how was Lee supposed to pay attention to anything else with an insomniac boyfriend constantly trying to jump his bones?

So even though it wasn't an acceptable excuse for being so unobservant, Lee decided he could eventually forgive himself for not noticing Gaara's state immediately. That was a good thing, because he was SO tired, and this way he only imposed 5,000 press-ups upon himself instead of the 10,000 he'd have normally done.

And really, who even knew a Jinchuuriki could puke anyway?

Just after the event in question, Gaara looked down at the messy puddle at his feet as if it were some strange new animal he'd just discovered. "I vomited," he declared prosaically.

His men, of course, were in an panic, torn between wanting to respectfully assist their Kage and getting the hell out of there before something way worse happened. It took one of Gaara's personal ANBU guards to settle the situation and Lee to coax Gaara next door to his office. Once there, Gaara seemed a bit stunned by the whole affair and sat mutely in his chair, hands folded in his lap.

Lee took a concerned but thorough look at him, and Gaara seemed fine now, physically speaking. Hesitantly deciding there was no reason to make him explain this more times than necessary, he leaned back against Gaara's desk and waited.

Kankuro was the first to get there.

After Lee and Gaara had broken the big news, both Temari and Kankuro had decided to keep close tabs on their baby brother. Lee was glad for the support at the moment, since he really had no idea how to tackle a sick Gaara, though on the whole it hadn't been such a great arrangement. Considering all the sex that was involved in the baby-making process, it had led to several awkward situations which had undoubtedly scarred all parties involved. Well, except Gaara, who didn't seem to understand what all the fuss was about.

"What the hell's going on?" Kankuro demanded.

"I vomited," Gaara told him, in the same tone one might use to tell someone he'd just changed the empty roll of toilet paper.

"WHAT!"

"It's okay," Lee assured him. "He's really--"

Temari burst into the room and stormed toward her youngest brother. Lee had to stumble to keep his footing as he was pushed roughly aside. The blonde stopped at a safe distance from Gaara and eyed his silently sitting form cautiously. "I heard what happened. How do you feel?"

"I'm never eating eggs again," was his seemingly non sequitur response.

Lee blinked. "Eggs?"

"I had an omelet for breakfast."

"Oh…"

Temari looked at Lee, face unreadable, before turning back to her youngest brother. "Alright Gaara, stay right there. Don't be angry, but I'm calling a doctor. There's an excellent mednin who-- Oh. Or is there something wrong with…"

Lee knew what she was thinking. Maybe Shukaku was taking advantage of the situation. Gaara was tired and had let his control slip, and…

"He's fine," Gaara told her, "And I don't need a doctor. I'm not sick."

"What are you talking about? You just threw up!" Lee insisted loudly and rather animatedly. "You've been working too hard on other things to hold a jutsu for this long! Gaara, this isn't safe for you to do! If--" Lee sighed and walked up to his boyfriend, leaning down a bit to get to his level. He continued in a low, measured voice. "If it's already upset your system this much, imagine what it'll be like later on. And what if… I know it's unthinkable, but what if you lose control?"

"Bowl-cut's right, Gaara," Kankuro added from beside him, shaking his head. "As much as you wanna do this, maybe this whole getting pregnant thing… I mean, why don't you two just adopt? Or maybe find a surrogate--"

"But I'm already pregnant."

All of a sudden, Lee felt rather faint. And strangely, the room abruptly became very dark. And started to spin. And then tipped sideways. Luckily, Gaara wasn't tipping, and Lee felt his strong hands take hold of him and sit him down in the chair Gaara himself had just been in.

"How long?" he heard Temari ask.

"For about a week," Gaara's voice replied.

Kankuro swore.

"Well then… it's probably morning sickness," Temari said. "Right?"

"I'm not sick," Gaara reminded her. "I feel fine."

Lee blinked up at the three blurry figures as if they'd suddenly begun speaking a foreign language. In truth, he sort of felt like they were. As they continued their conversation Lee turned to stare hazily at the far wall, hearing but not hearing what they were saying. Formula? Bibs? Diapers? What did it all mean?

"Hey!" He felt Kankuro clap him roughly on the back. "Congrats, huh?"

"Whu?" Lee asked, feeling shell-shocked. Congratulations? For what? He didn't do anything…

Leaning closer to his ear, Kankuro murmured, "This means you two're gonna lay off the hanky-panky some, right? 'Cause frankly, I don't know how much more of that I can take."

"Uh…" Lee swallowed. Hanky-what?

"So aren't you going to go into some big speech now, Lee?" Temari asked expectantly.

Lee regarded her blurry form blankly. "Huuh?"

"Yeah, you know," Kankuro said, frowning, "about the Springtime of Youth and the Miracle of Life and all that shit?"

"M… miracle of life…?" Lee questioned, finally focusing well enough to see both of Gaara's siblings staring down at him anxiously.

Kankuro shrugged, and Temari looked strangely put out. "Never mind," she told him, "I'm sure it's best this way."

Lee blinked. He was way too tired right now to think about miracles and youth and stuff right now. After all, he'd been having sex six times a day for the past three weeks! And now that he thought about it… Hey!

"Gaara! Why didn't you tell me earlier!"

Gaara regarded him expressionlessly. "You didn't ask."

Lee's jaw fell open, and if he hadn't already been sitting down, he'd have fallen over. "But I've been-- We've been-- Gaara!"

"You didn't seem to dislike it," Gaara said with something that might be interpreted as a leer by someone observant (or unfortunate) enough to recognize the expression.

"Well, that might be true, but…"

"If you two are going to talk about that, we're leaving." Temari said, somewhat nervously. Kankuro muttered something about nightmares.

"Leave. It was just the eggs," insisted Gaara. "They didn't taste right."

"Well from now on, if something don't taste right, don't eat it, alright squirt?" Kankuro told him, cautiously mussing his already disheveled hair as he headed toward the door. "You gotta worry about the baby now, right?" he said over his shoulder, shaking his head in what was probably disbelief.

Right, the baby… and Gaara getting sick… Yeah, Lee should probably say something about that…

"Never fear, Gaara!" he declared, springing out of his chair with a clenched fist. "You're in good hands now! As a future… ah… mother, you deserve the best care possible! I will personally see to all your meals to make sure they are baby-friendly and delicious! That's my promise! Let's work together on this, what do you say?"

Silence.

"Riiiiight," Temari said, giving Lee an odd look. "Good luck with that then," she said as she walked out.

His sister gone, Gaara nodded minutely at Lee, a small smile playing across his lips. "I'm going back to work now."

And he left.

Lee blinked dazedly around the now very quiet, very empty room. So… Gaara was pregnant. Wow, he thought dazedly. Cool. And then he sighed, plopped back down in the chair, crossed his arms in his lap, rested his head back, and took a well-deserved nap.


	4. Konoha Bound

Notes: The background story on Gaara and Lee's relationship and Sakura is Maldoror GW's, not mine. I'm not cool enough to have thought it up. Thanks to everyone for all the reviews! They make me giggle as I write! Just to address one very thoughtful comment: yes, I realize that having sex six times a day isn't the best method for getting pregnant. Low sperm count and all that. However, we'll just have to assume that either a) Gaara doesn't know this, or b) Gaara doesn't care. Lee is pretty damn smexy, after all. Thanks, and please continue to point any possible errors out to me (I've never had a baby, so some things I just don't know)!

CHAPTER 4: Konoha Bound

Gaara planted his feet in a solid offensive stance, crossed his arms menacingly, and sent a death glare straight at the refrigerator.

"Um… Gaara?" Lee questioned, scratching the back of his neck anxiously, "Are you going to open it and get something to eat, or are you just going to stare at it?"

"I'm just going to stare at it," Gaara informed his boyfriend in his usual humorless monotone.

Lee sighed. Despite his best culinary efforts, Gaara had been throwing up fairly regularly for the past several weeks. If he threw something up, he declared that the food 'didn't taste right,' and he refused to go anywhere near it. They were running seriously low on things he'd eat anymore.

And if that wasn't bad enough, Gaara had recently begun lying to Lee about it, saying he hadn't thrown up when he had. When Lee asked how he could do such a thing, Gaara had said something like, 'Your constant inquiries on my health are irritating,' which Lee's brain had automatically translated into 'I love you and feel bad for making you worry about me.'

"Look, I know it's hard, but you have to eat something," Lee told him. "It's not good for the baby to do this! Or you!"

Gaara's frown deepened and Lee saw him clench his fists, arms still crossed. "I don't like vomiting."

"Well of course not! But that doesn't mean you should stop eating!" When Gaara didn't respond, Lee added cautiously, "I still think you should see a doctor."

"I'm not sick. And we decided not to let anyone else know yet. It could be a liability. We've been over this."

Lee sighed. Yes, they'd been over and over this, Gaara refusing help every time. Lee felt like he'd make more headway banging his head against a brick wall. In fact, maybe he should. Maybe Gaara would pay attention to him then.

He quickly shook the thought away, annoyed with himself for even thinking something so petty. Gaara was just being Gaara. And maybe he really believed he wasn't sick. After all, with a demon backing his immune system, he probably had no idea what it felt like.

"Well then what about…" Lee searched for an idea, "what about going to Konoha? I mean, we have to go anyway, right?" he asked. Now he was on to something! "And Tsunade-sama's the best mednin there is, and you know she'll keep quiet about it. We'd kill two birds with one stone! A brilliant tactical approach! Or… are you too sick now?"

Gaara stiffened and finally turned toward Lee. "I told you I'm fine. The food just--"

"Doesn't taste right, I know! But if you feel alright, why don't we set something up and go? We can get an audience in a week, disguise it as something diplomatic, have her look at you, and… well, maybe Konoha's food will taste better! You can go eat ramen with Naruto! Or dango with Tenten! Or barbeque with Chouji! Or Gai-sensei could make you some of his Special Power-up Soup of--"

"Fine. If it will shut you up. I'll send a dispatch," Gaara conceded, finally opening the refrigerator door. He poked around for a moment before pulling out a half-eaten package of sardines that made Lee crinkle his nose. "But no soup."

XXXXX

Lee had never seen Godaime Hokage-sama laugh before.

It was actually rather terrifying, the way she was beating her fist on her desk, her abundant chest heaving, mirthful tears running down her cheeks.

"I fail to see the humor in this situation," Gaara announced, looking annoyed.

"You--" she said between raucous hoots, "you said you're--"

"Pregnant," Gaara supplied.

Which only made her laugh harder and even more frighteningly. With all that fist pounding, Lee was afraid she might break the desk. As it was, the legs were wobbling, and several messy stacks of paper had already taken a nosedive onto the floor. Tsunade's assistant Shizune was standing beside her, mouth hanging open and eyes glazed over, and didn't appear to be capable of offering any help.

Lee fidgeted. This wasn't exactly how he'd foreseen their meeting.

Lee had the greatest respect for his Hokage, and he'd expected serious concern from her (and perhaps a sound scolding. She tended to give Lee a lot of those.) Something like Temari's reaction, though with slightly fewer death glares and more motherly advice. Tsunade-sama laughing so hard they could hear her halfway to Wave Country was not really on his list of possible outcomes.

"Hokage-sama, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but this is hardly a laughing matter!" Lee exclaimed, face red with something between anger and embarrassment.

This appeared to sober her up a bit, and she wiped at her eyes as she pulled herself up off the desk. Which was good, because she looked dangerously close to falling out of that shirt, and that was something Lee really didn't need to see.

"What, now you're going to tell me you're serious?" she shook her head and chuckled to herself.

"Why would we be here if we weren't?" Gaara asked calmly.

Tsunade glanced at him, looking mildly annoyed, as if Gaara had somehow spoiled the joke. "Shizune!"

The woman started, looking around the room as if she just now realized where she was. "Yes, Hokage-sama!"

"The honorable Kazekage here," she gestured toward him offhandedly, "says he's knocked up. He wants Konoha's support. What do you think about that?"

Shizune blinked. Her mouth opened several times in what appeared to be half-formed responses that she thought the better of. After a few moments of this, she finally managed to come up with, "I… I think… he should have a full medical examination! Yes!" she nodded, looking flustered, "I think that would definitely be best!"

Lee let out a sigh of relief. Maybe they didn't believe Gaara (which he sort of couldn't blame them for), but they'd soon find out the truth. And at least this way his boyfriend would get his check-up and maybe not puke all over himself anymore.

"That sounds like an excellent idea. Why don't you go and find me a victi-- volunteer to help out with that," Tsunade smirked. Shizune nodded vigorously and all but ran out the door, scooping up her startled little pink pig in the process.

"I don't need a medical examination. I'm not sick." Gaara told her, looking annoyed.

"Yeah, well as far as I'm concerned, you're not pregnant either, kid," she muttered. "Now if you want me to listen, put the gourd down, take off your shirt, and sit… on that table over there."

Lee bristled. Hokage-sama might be a bit brusque at times, and it was true that Gaara and Lee's relationship had caused her a pretty good amount of trouble in the past, but this was just uncalled for! How could she be treating the sovereign military ruler of a powerful country like he was a misbehaving child? There was no way Gaara was going to listen to her, especially when she said it like that! Take off his shirt? For some foreign mednin he didn't even know to examine his pregnant belly? No way! Never in a million years would he--

"Lee. Hold this." Gaara held out his shirt.

Lee stared blankly at the Kazekage's bare chest as his boyfriend hoisted himself up on the table, the gourd sitting beside him with his coat and harness draped haphazardly over it. The shirt felt strangely heavy in Lee's hand. "Um…"

"Right…" Tsunade grumbled, looking put-out. She apparently hadn't expected him to strip either.

"Ah, Tsunade-sama…" Lee began, trying his best to be very, very tactful. "Why… I don't want to sound impertinent, but… why don't YOU just look at him?"

She sighed heavily. "Because then I might somehow give the impression I thought you two were sane."

"Oh…" An awkward silence stretched through the room.

It was broken by a set of quickly-approaching footsteps. The figure, clothed in white mednin garb, entered the room without so much as pausing at the door. "Tsunade-sama, Shizune-san told me you needed-- whoa!"

Lee blinked, heart plummeting in his chest as he recognized the pretty green eyes, cute pink hair, and too-adorable forehead. "Sakura-san?" Oh, this was SO not going the way he'd envisioned it…

"Ah… Lee-san? What're you doing here?"

"Uh..." It wasn't as if Lee wasn't happy to see Sakura-san. In fact, he was thrilled to see her again. It's just that her presence made the situation a bit… uncomfortable.

When he'd first gotten together with Gaara, posted in Suna as Konoha's official military liaison, Lee hadn't mentioned anything to his new boyfriend about Sakura-san. Gaara didn't know the first thing about relationships; in fact, he found the subject maddeningly confusing. He cared for Lee, and Lee cared for him-- they had a bond-- and that was all he understood. If Lee had told him he'd already pledged his undying love to someone else, even if he'd only been 13 and not so aware of the repercussions at the time, he wasn't sure how his new love would've taken it. After all, Gaara was sane now and all, but why take chances?

However, Lee had meant to tell his ex-intended as soon as possible. No matter what happened, she'd always be a special person to him, even if she hadn't turned out to be THE special person. He felt she had a right to know. But for political reasons, mainly that a war was brewing and it would look really, really bad for Konoha and Suna's respective autonomy, it had been decided that the two of them should keep their relationship private. By some strange and uncomfortable quirk of fate though, Sakura-san and her teammates found out about Lee and Gaara's relationship… by walking in on the couple making out. Which seemed like the usual mode of discovery, actually…

True it had been years, and each had more or less accepted the existence of the other once he'd explained, but Lee still wasn't sure where Sakura-san and Gaara stood with each other. And in truth, he couldn't say he was looking forward to finding out under these particular circumstances.

"Ah, Sakura. Thank you for joining us," Tsunade said, taking the new turn of events in stride.

"Tsunade-sama," Sakura started, "What're they…" she turned her head down and blushed fiercely. "Lee!" she hissed, forcibly not looking at him, "whydoeshehavehisshirtoff?"

Lee stared blankly at the shirt he was still holding, as if it had appeared there of its own free will.

"Kazekage-sama requires a confidential medical examination." Tsunade told her nonchalantly.

Sakura gasped and looked up at Lee. "Is he sick?"

"I'm not sick. If she can't see that, I have no use for her." Gaara stated. "Send her away."

"He's ah… been throwing up a bit, and…" Lee said quietly, face turned away. Oh, Gaara was not going to be happy with him...

"Um… any other symptoms?" Sakura asked, approaching the frowning Kazekage warily but doing her best to act professional.

"Well… um…" So here was the point where he was supposed to tell her. He was supposed to be happy and excited and proud and… all he wanted to do was sink into the floor.

"Right. Okay then," Sakura responded, evidently having drawn her own conclusion from his silence. "So I'll have to… um, Kazekage-sama, I… need to t--touch your stomach… and maybe a few other places… so um…"

"No."

Tsunade grunted as she frowned down at a small stack of papers she'd picked up off the floor.

Lee wanted to cry. "But Gaara!"

Instead of getting upset though, Sakura just smiled patiently and motioned for Lee to come closer. "Alright, I'll tell you what we're going to do. You can stay sitting up like this, and your ah… boyfriend," she said the word as if it left a strange taste in her mouth, "can ah… stand right next to you. It'll make you more comfortable that way. Lee, stand here."

Lee felt a bit lost but did as she said, setting Gaara's shirt next to his gourd. After a lifetime of being kept at arms-length, not to mention numerous attacks on his life, Gaara still had a hard time with physical contact. Sometimes he wouldn't touch even Lee. Lee wanted to comfort him, maybe take his hand, but he wasn't sure if this was one of those times. "It'll be alright," Lee assured him, deciding to put his hand next to Gaara's without actually touching. This way, he had the option. "Sakura-san is an excellent doctor! Remember how she fixed me up that one time? She'll take good care of you!"

Tsunade snorted from behind her desk.

Sakura looked annoyed, and Lee resisted the urge to glare.

"Okay," Sakura said, focusing on the matter at hand, "now I'm just going to touch your stomach very lightly. If anything feels at all uncomfortable… I mean, if it hurts or makes you feel like you're going to vomit, tell me. It's just so I can feel your chakra."

To an outside observer, Gaara would've appeared completely normal. Well, not normal per se, but… whatever Gaara usually was. But Lee could tell how hard it was for him to let himself be touched like this, gentle hands smoothing slowly over the white skin of his stomach, and how much control he was exerting over himself to keep the sand in his gourd still and calm. Even though Lee was incredibly proud of all the progress Gaara had made toward becoming a regular person, it was times like these that he realized how far his boyfriend still had to go.

"Okay, very good. Now I can feel a bit of a fluctuation right… um…" Sakura trailed off, furrowing her brow. She held her hands still, concentrating on a spot just above Gaara's belt line. "Well, that sort of feels like…"

Tsunade looked up, a bored look on her face. "What did you find?"

"UWAAAH!" Sakura suddenly exclaimed, arms flailing as she jerked away from her patient. Gaara was startled, and his sand shifted noisily, causing Sakura to raise her hands defensively. In the process of backing frantically away, she somehow managed to get her feet tangled and ended up plopping flat on her ass. Wide-eyed, she pointed up at Gaara. "He-he-he--!"

"Oh, you're fucking kidding me," Tsunade groaned as she tossed aside her papers, hauling herself up from her chair and trudging over. Without hesitation, she placed both of her hands on Gaara's stomach, seemingly unconcerned when Gaara clenched his teeth and the sand in his gourd rumbled ominously. Lee felt Gaara's hand cover his and squeeze. Hard.

"Um, not to overstep my bounds, Hokage-sama," Lee began, his hand being fairly crushed, "but you might not want to--"

"Shizune! Get me a drink! Damn it, where the hell is she?" Tsunade interrupted. "Now stop acting like a spoiled five-year-old, I'm just making sure the baby's alright. How far along are you?"

Sakura whimpered from the floor, and Lee realized he should really help her up… but since Gaara had latched onto his hand so tight Lee thought he might break the bones, moving was pretty much out of the question.

"About a month and a half," Gaara said with some difficulty. "Stop touching me."

"Where did you learn this jutsu? It's incredibly high-level. Your chakra is actively feeding the jutsu while forming a protective bubble around the developing child. I can actually feel where the chakra pattern switches from yours to the child's. Just like a woman's. It's flawless…" she trailed off.

Gaara didn't look happy. In fact, he looked very, very unhappy. And Lee's hand was starting to throb. "Hokage-sama!" Lee squeaked, "If you could--"

"No, almost flawless. It seems as if the baby's chakra is disrupting yours to a slight extent, causing a mild fluctuation… right about here. Sakura, get up here and feel this. You've been throwing up? This is probably why."

Gaara turned and glared at Lee, not letting up on his grip one iota. "I told you I wasn't sick."

Lee spluttered. So this was HIS fault now?

Sakura was suddenly up off the floor and sliding one of her hands against the top of Gaara's low-slung pants. "Oh wow, that's incredible!" Apparently her shock had given way to professional interest. "What is it, some sort of clone? I didn't realize they could be made this way…"

"No. It's his." Gaara motioned toward Lee.

Tsunade stared blankly, and Sakura's face turned a strange shade of purple. They both dropped their hands. Sakura looked down at her feet and took a step backward. Lee ducked his head and hid behind his bangs. He wished he knew why he felt so embarrassed. "Uh, yeah. It's mine."

A heavy silence fell over the room.

Finally, Tsunade broke it. "Shizune!" she bellowed, "Where the HELL is my drink?"

Lee winced, but Gaara seemed unaffected. He let go of Lee's hand, and Lee shook it to get the circulation back. "Now that you believe me," Gaara began, sliding off the table and putting his clothes back on, "can we count on your assistance if needed?"

For a moment, Tsunade simply stared at him.

Then Shizune was rushing back in, Tonton at her heels, a thick medical text in one hand and a large bottle of sake in the other. "I thought you might need these, Hokage-sama," she said, handing them over with a slight bow.

"About time," Tsunade told her. She set the book on the edge of her cluttered desk but held onto the bottle. She stared at it for a time, then began looking around, presumably for cups. After a moment of not locating any, she sighed and took a long pull directly out of the bottle.

She looked about to say something but then evidently thought the better of it. She took another drink instead.

When the bottle lowered from her lips, she was smiling wickedly.

Lee gulped.

"Alright. I'll assist you," she smirked, "With a few… minor conditions…"


	5. Visitors

Notes: A bit rushed and unpolished, wanted to get it out before I left for Japan. Next chapter is almost done, but with classes starting and living in a different country and all, I'm not entirely sure when I'll get to it. I promise it'll come as soon as I can manage!

CHAPTER 5: VISITORS

"Holy shit, there's MORE of them?" the Suna guard exclaimed, a look of sheer horror on his face.

Yeah, thought Sakura as she glanced over at Maito Gai's garish green jumpsuit and eye-searing gold legwarmers, and you thought ONE was bad.

"Greetings! We are here for our scheduled audience with the highly-esteemed Kazekage and his most adorable boyfriend!" Gai announced, posing dramatically.

Sakura groaned. Smooth, real smooth…

The guard just stared.

Sakura pulled out her pass and held it in the traumatized guard's face. He blinked rapidly several times and took it from her, looking rather incredulously at the specifications. "The Hokage sent you two?"

"Of course," Sakura told him, sighing as she wiped the grit from her forehead.

After the long journey, she was dirty and sticky, and rather miffed at Tsunade-sama (and not only because of her current travel partner). Her mentor had made some sort of private deal with the Kazekage when he'd visited, part of which required her to visit regularly as his attending physician. Sakura suspected it had something to do with learning more about Gaara's jutsu and possible applications of it. And maybe also because a pregnant, homicidal, demon-possessed Kage was something to keep an eye on.

In any case, even though she did like getting to see Lee, with all the travel time involved, this was hardly a choice assignment. Sakura was busy with her duties as a med-nin, and she'd been training hard for the upcoming Jounin exams. Though most of her friends were already Jounin, Sakura had been too preoccupied with her work with Tsunade to give it much thought. Now that she'd finally decided to put forth the effort, she was forced to waste valuable training time running back and forth from Wind Country for something even a Sand med-nin could do.

True, it was great endurance training, and the pay was good, but…

"Haruno Sakura. Maito Gai," Sakura heard a voice say. "So you're here already. Pretty quick."

Sakura smiled when she saw Kankuro approaching, his once fearful appearance now a very welcome one. "Believe me, it was a LONG trip," she said, inclining her head in the direction of the man beside her. Gai now had his hands on his hips and was smiling widely and blindingly. His objectionably-coiffed bowl cut blew against his colossal eyebrows in the late morning breeze.

"Yup. Know all about that," Kankuro mumbled, an understanding and slightly pained look on his face.

"Ah, Kankuro!" Gai beamed, "Thank you for your warm welcome! Our journey to the country of our admirable allies has been invigorating! I trust that my young prodigy…"

Sakura was sure he went on, loudly even, but she didn't hear. In fact, she'd learned quite quickly over the course of their trip to tune him out. With Naruto as a former teammate, it was probably a defense mechanism.

She took the free moment to look around Suna. She hadn't visited in some time, but the place hadn't changed much. Maybe a newly-painted storefront or reinforced wall or two, but that was it. Since the first time she laid eyes on the place, she'd thought the village seemed hopelessly drab and bare. No trees, no water, no birds, nothing but a grimy sea of tan and unsmiling, wind-worn faces. She wondered how Lee could stand it.

Then again, Lee was pretty easy-going, and she supposed there wasn't much you could do in the way of decorating when you lived in a glorified sand heap.

"Right, right, let's just go inside, okay?" she heard Kankuro say, bringing her attention back. He ushered them toward their headquarters, a large, circular building in the center of the main complex.

Gai strode onward, looking as if he'd only taken a short morning stroll instead of traveling nearly three days through blistering heat. Sakura was debatably in the best shape of her life, and she felt tired just looking at him. And of course, this being Suna, she suspected her dream of a nice, relaxing bath wouldn't come true. Water wasn't wasted that way here. Sakura sighed and dropped behind to walk next to the Sand nin.

"Hey," the young man said quietly to get her attention. "Lee's been driving us nuts ever since he heard that guy was coming. Does he ah…" Kankuro made an odd face and inclined his head toward Gai, "does he know?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. Gai had been out on a mission when Lee and Gaara had come last, but Lee had apparently made sure he'd been informed. "It's all he talked about the whole way. It's like he's the one who… you know." She wasn't sure she should be saying it out in the open. Ninja villages had ears.

"Oh god forbid," Kankuro groaned.

Sakura didn't know him that well, but from what she could tell, Kankuro seemed to be a very down-to-earth, hard-working person who took things as they came, rolling with the punches, so to speak. Even so, Sakura had to give him some serious credit. The ability to handle having one's slightly insane baby-brother-turned-Kazekage become pregnant was a skill she didn't think many possessed.

The people of Suna didn't stand in the streets or sit on benches catching up with friends like Sakura was used to seeing in Konoha. She supposed it was a bit too hot for that. The people they saw, mostly ninja, gave a quick nod or wave to Kankuro as they continued on their way. Nevertheless, they seemed to have a definite fascination with Gai, specifically his clothing. Though none of them faltered in their step, their eyes unfailingly darted to his legwarmers.

Sakura was glad when they arrived at their destination. Kankuro opened the door for them, ushering them into the spacious yet drab room. "Welcome to the loony bin," he muttered.

"Sensei!" Sakura heard as she stepped over the threshold.

"Lee!"

For a moment, she thought the two would run into each other's arms and passionately embrace, framed by a golden sunset complete with crashing waves. But she knew Lee was an adult now, no longer dependant on his sensei for support. He'd lived in Suna for years and had grown out of such childish things. Hell, he even had a baby on the way!

Then she realized that her first instinct had been right, and they were, indeed, going to hug. She felt the bile rise in her throat and looked away.

And straight at the Kazekage. He was standing to the side of the room, looking as unchanged as his village, watching the scene with crossed arms and a set jaw. His eyes flicked momentarily toward her.

"Kazekage-sama," Sakura made a small bow.

"You should examine me now," Gaara told her, uncrossing his arms but looking no less displeased.

"Um… right now?" Sakura asked, looking apprehensively across at Lee and Gai. The two were now clasping each other's shoulders and regarding each other with tear-filled eyes.

"Yes," Gaara said, and walked toward the door. The full view this gave her of that gourd of his wasn't such a welcome sight. Did she mention she wasn't thrilled about this assignment?

Well okay then, thought Sakura. Examination. "We'll be back in a few minutes!" she told her two countrymen, avoiding looking anywhere in their vicinity in the process.

They didn't seem to hear. It was probably a good thing.

Sakura followed Gaara down a series of narrow hallways into a small room which held a dusty mirror, a sink, a padded bench, and a medical chest. Gaara closed the door behind them.

Sakura took a deep, calming breath and told herself that if she handled this properly, there was nothing to worry about. It was just an end of first trimester checkup, no reason to panic. All she had to do was make sure the baby was alright, give the expectant… mother some tips, and then she could leave. Right? Perfectly safe! Just smile and get it over with!

"I'm glad you're doing well. It must be difficult to keep up a jutsu for so long, I'm really impressed," Sakura told him sweetly. "Tsunade-sama's been teaching me a lot about pregnancy-- I've read a ton of books-- so I can help out. You must be so excited about the baby!"

Gaara said nothing. He simply crossed his arms and stared at her.

"Right," Sakura said, doing her best to keep the smile plastered on. She motioned toward the bench. "Why don't you have a seat, and we can get started?"

Gaara didn't move. Though she could swear his eyes narrowed.

Okay, awkward. And a little creepy. "Do you… uh… want to wait for Lee? Or we could go get him for a few minutes. I'm sure he wouldn't mind sitting in. After all, we're going to be here for a couple days, so he can always catch up with his sensei later…"

"Now is fine," Gaara told her at last, moving to the bench. His belt buckles clicked as he unlatched them and set the harness, gourd still attached, beside him.

He started to unzip his jacket, but Sakura quickly stopped him. "I should be able to feel through the fabric this time. You can keep it on. The baby's bigger, and I know what I'm looking for. The chakra signature will be distinct enough."

It wasn't completely a lie. It would've been better against bare skin, but with her level of skill, a few layers of cloth shouldn't be much of an impediment. She'd seen Gaara shirtless twice now though, and she decided that was definitely enough.

It wasn't as if he was so bad to look at or anything. In fact, his pale, smooth skin had a certain measure of appeal to it. The flow of it, the way his light muscles corded, reminded her somehow of Sasuke, though rather less elegant. Considering who he was, the thought left her feeling strange inside.

First of all, he'd once nearly killed her and her friends and destroyed their village in a psychotic rage. Though he seemed to be much more in control now, and Lee had quite obviously forgiven him for the harm Gaara had done to him during their match, it made meetings with him slightly… uncomfortable.

Second, wasn't he sort of like her replacement in Lee's eyes? Sure she'd never accepted Lee's offers or acknowledged his efforts to win her over. After all, he was LEE, for god's sake! It's not like she really had a choice on the matter! Even so, she found herself strangely upset that he'd gone straight from declarations of Eternal Youthful Devotion to his Cherry Blossom Angel to shacking up with the very unangelic (and very male) Kazekage.

She told herself it bothered her so much because Lee was so sweet and kind, and he deserved someone who'd treat him the same. She couldn't come up with anything else that made a lick of sense, so that must be it.

"So do you have any questions for me? Is everything going alright?" she asked as she pressed her palms lightly against her patient's abdomen.

"You're the doctor," he said calmly. "You tell me."

His stomach was still flat and tight, but she could feel the baby's energy pulsing not far beneath it. It felt strong, warm, and hopeful. A newly-budding life full of nearly endless possibilities. Sakura smiled and lowered her hands to her sides.

"Baby's happy and healthy," she announced. "He's doing very well."

Gaara's head jerked toward her. "He?"

"Oh, well I suppose it's impossible to know, but I feel bad calling a baby 'it.' I guess I just decided to call it a 'he' since--"

"When will you be able to tell?"

Sakura hated the way he could make a question into a demand like that. "Well, physically speaking, it's really a very minor difference. It's not something I could say any more than I could tell you the baby's hair or eye color. This type of chakra examination's just not that precise."

Gaara frowned. "Then how am I supposed to plan things?"

Sakura shook her head dismissively. "Buy yellows and greens?"

The look she got in return was one of utter bafflement. It would've been comical if it hadn't been so damn disturbing.

"You know, for the nursery and clothes and stuff," she added.

"Yellows and greens," Gaara repeated, staring blankly at the far wall as if colors were strange concepts he'd never before encountered and couldn't quite wrap his mind around.

"Well… traditionally, girl babies wear pink and boys wear blue," Sakura explained patiently, feeling a bit as if she were talking to a five-year-old. "But before the baby's born, you can just buy neutral colors. Though I can't blame you if you don't really want any more green…"

Gaara examined her for a moment longer before turning his head to the side, his face falling back to its usual unreadable expression. "Does it know?"

Sakura looked at him blankly. "Does what know what?"

"The baby. Does it know if it's a boy or a girl?"

Well now that was an odd question. "No, of course not. It doesn't really know anything right now. Its brain isn't developed enough for conscious thought."

"When will it know?"

"If it's a boy or a girl?"

"No. When will it know anything."

"I don't think I understand what you mean. I…" how to explain… "babies' brains don't function the way ours do, especially fetuses this small. They have reflexes and urges, but they don't really 'think' the way you're implying. If their needs are fulfilled, they're happy, or at least the baby equivalent of it. If not, it puts them into distress. That's all your baby knows right now. He'll eventually develop the capacity to understand more, but all of that is very circumstantial."

Gaara seemed to contemplate her response as he slid off the bench and harnessed his gourd once more. He stared down at the buckles across his chest for a moment before placing one hand flat against his lower abdomen.

"When will it know who I am?" he finally asked, nodding to himself as if this had been the real question all along.

"Well, I haven't studied so much about that sort of thing, but I read somewhere that a newborn can recognize its mother's voice. Is that what you mean?"

Gaara's fingers widened their grip across his stomach. "Study harder before you return. An ignorant doctor is of no use to me."

Right. Such as gentleman, as always. At least he hadn't threatened her life or anything. "Well," she began, switching back to med-nin mode, "what I can tell you for now is to take it easy. Don't strain yourself too much or go on any long missions. You should also make sure to get enough slee-- ah, rest, so you can hold the jutsu. The baby's formation is at a critical stage right now, and if its supply of chakra from you suddenly dropped, it could do serious damage to his organs. I'd also recommend making sure you get enough vitamins, since what you eat is being directly transferred to the baby. Maybe even take some supplements. I'll be back in a month and a half or so, but you should really find someone here who can help you. A midwife, maybe. That way, you can be safe if there are any emergencies. Alright?"

"Haruno," Gaara said.

"Hmm?" she asked with a smile.

"I don't like you."

Um…

"You're pushy, and you overstep your bounds. Your job here is to ensure the baby's health, nothing more. Don't assume you have some sort of say in what I do, or that you can influence my life or the baby's. I can handle this on my own," he told her, strangely emotionless face at odds with his words.

Sakura's jaw dropped, and she felt a jolt of fear run through her. "Kazekage-sama, I didn't mean to--"

"You are here because I have a deal with your Hokage, not because I want you here. You would do well to understand your place and not think yourself to be more important than you really are. The baby is mine, not yours. You had your chance."

She had her… "What?"

"We're finished now. You will not upset Lee by discussing this with him. Come."

Head spinning, Sakura followed him, her eyes on the long jacket swishing across the backs of Gaara's calves. Sakura had once thought that Kakashi-sensei, with his uncaring demeanor and porn-enveloped mind, would make the worst parent in the entire world. Sadly for both Lee and the baby (and really, the entire village of Suna), she'd just found someone worse.

Sakura was relieved when they arrived back in the main room. She knew they were no real protection against someone with the sort of power Gaara had, but she felt better in the presence of others, disturbing as Gai and Lee were when you put them together.

The sight that greeted her as she walked back into the room was Gai roughly patting a blushing, beaming Lee on the back. Gai was laughing in that loud, overly-manly way of his, and Lee was holding a large, fluffy stuffed turtle.

Sakura didn't even want to know where Gai had stored it for their trip.

"Lee," Gaara said.

"Gaara!" Lee exclaimed, bouncing over to them. "It's so good to see you! Is everything okay?"

"Yes."

Lee couldn't have looked more thrilled. Evidently Gai-sensei's pep-talk had given him the sort of encouragement he needed. "That's great! I bet Sakura-san was a big help! Did she look at the baby? Is everything okay? What did she say you should be doing now? Can I help? Do you have to eat anything special? Or do any special training? What did Sakura-san tell you?"

"She gave me decorating advice," Gaara replied.

Lee eyed Sakura questioningly. "Decorating advice?"

"Uh… yeah…" Because what else could she really say?

"Great!" Lee exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. "And Gai-sensei brought us our first baby gift! Isn't it adorable?" He held out the massive, fluffy turtle toward his boyfriend for inspection as Gai nodded proudly.

Gaara eyed it blankly. "What is it for?"

"To decorate our baby's room, of course! And when the baby gets older, he-- or she! It could be a girl! Wouldn't that be cute? --can play with it! Isn't it great?" Lee hugged the creature close and rubbed his cheek on the top if its head. Sakura had to admit it was a bit disturbing.

Gaara nodded, an odd, thoughtful expression on his face. "Yes. It's great."

Lee beamed. "I knew you'd think so!"

Out of the corner of her eye, Sakura saw Kankuro, who'd apparently been monitoring the situation, wince.

It was going to be a long six months. And these two were going to have the weirdest baby ever. Thank god she wasn't the one who was going to have to deal with it!


	6. Setting up the Nursery

Notes: Gaara's POV this time. I went at it a little differently than I've seen it done before, just because I feel like Gaara doesn't think like a normal person. WARNING: sexing.

CHAPTER 6: SETTING UP THE NURSERY

Sometimes Gaara let Lee get angry just because it was so interesting to watch.

His shoulders would stiffen, his jaw would set, and his gaze would become hard and intense. His voice became harsh, his words strong and demanding. If he was really fuming, his face would turn red and his nostrils would flare.

Also, when it was Gaara he was angry with, he'd cross his arms and furrow his brow. He'd take a certain stance he reserved just for this, his chest puffed and chin held high. When he said Gaara's name, he'd stretch out the syllables, making it sound as if it had about a dozen A's in it. Gaaaaaaaaaraaa! he'd say.

It was all quite captivating, as far as Gaara was concerned.

He didn't know why he liked seeing Lee like this, he just knew he did. He'd once asked his sister why this was. Why Gaara liked looking at Lee when he was angry, why (even though he knew it wasn't proper) he'd sometimes intentionally provoke him just to get that look in his eye, that shift of his frame. Why Lee was special.

She hadn't understood.

He hadn't really expected her to. After all, people got mad at her whenever they wanted.

Usually it wasn't Gaara Lee was angry at though. He got angry at situations or circumstances or things and people that went against Justice and what was Right. Sort of like now.

"…must have that long part in upside down… stupid… why don't you just… ow!"

Lee rubbed at a bump forming on his forehead where the heavy wooden banister had fallen and hit him. Scowling, he picked up the piece and fitted it back on top of the slats, balancing a crooked end on his knee.

Ever since that awful sensei of his had visited, Lee had become excited about the baby. Very excited. And while an excited Lee was also nice, it tended to be a bit jarring. It was loud, and when Gaara wasn't well rested, it sometimes gave him a mild headache.

It always gave Temari a headache. A bad one. And when his sister had a headache, it seemed like everyone else did, too. Kankuro had been the one to finally suggest that Lee curb his enthusiasm by preparing for the baby's arrival and setting up the nursery. This seemed premature to Gaara, since the baby was only about halfway done and might still not turn out. The nursery would be sitting empty for a long time if they had to make a new one. Also, since no one could know yet, it all had to be done in secret. Lee wasn't terribly interested in 'secret' and thus wasn't very good at it.

"…yeah, I think if I just… but it won't go… what's wrong with the dang…"

He was also apparently not very skillful at assembling baby cribs. Or terribly patient with it.

Gaara stood calmly in the doorway, sipping a cup of tea and rubbing absently at his stomach. It wasn't yet visibly apparent he had a baby forming inside him, but he was sure it would be soon. The skin felt tight and itchy, stretched taut against his abdominal muscles. He wasn't built to stretch the way a woman was; it was uncomfortable. And the room was stuffy, too. He wanted a bath. And maybe a massage. And then sex. And he had paperwork to do.

Still, he wasn't about to tell Lee the instructions were right under the box. That would ruin it.

"Ha! That's it! Don't worry, Gaara, I'll have this done in a-- dang it…"

Gaara took another sip of tea.

It didn't settle right. He frowned and felt at his stomach. It didn't feel like vomiting. He was finished vomiting. Food tasted fine now, it didn't burn his mouth anymore. The jutsu had fully stabilized, and the most he ever felt now was a minor shift of chakra somewhere about his midsection. But maybe he should try something solid with the tea, just to be sure. Some crackers to settle things.

But then he felt it again. It didn't feel normal at all. It was too low to be his stomach, too high to be his intestines. Something wasn't right with--

The baby! Something was wrong! Gaara's eyes widened in alarm and hands gripped tightly at his stomach. He heard the sound of his tea cup shattering on the ground by his feet.

No. It felt like--

Oh. Relax now. That was all it was. Calm down, he willed Shukaku, who was rattling wildly at the gates of his will.

Lee was beside him now, a panicked look on his face, babbling and alternately waving his hands around and feeling at Gaara's forehead. He did strange things like this sometimes. It was oddly comforting.

"It moved," Gaara told him by way of explanation.

Lee's face went blank. "What moved?"

Gaara pointed toward his stomach. "It startled me. I hadn't felt it before." Yes, it was just the baby moving inside him, nothing to worry about. Everything was fine. He'd have to be more prepared in the future. He couldn't let something so insignificant upset him. How thoughtless.

Lee's eyes were huge, his mouth hanging open. "Really?" he gasped, "REALLY?"

"Yes," Gaara told him. The tea he'd spilled was getting his sandal wet. It would be messy if he left it. "I'll get a towel."

"You'll get-- Gaara, no! Just relax! I'll get a towel for you! It's fine!"

Gaara watched his boyfriend as he darted out of the room. He was back in less than five seconds, towel in hand, wiping at the floor. Gaara raised his foot, and Lee wiped the tea off his sandal, setting the pieces of broken cup aside. Good, now Lee could go back to building.

But he didn't. Instead, Lee squatted on the floor and looked up at Gaara, a curious expression on his face. "Could I…?" he motioned toward Gaara's stomach.

Lee had a bad habit of not finishing sentences. It made him hard to understand. How was Gaara supposed to answer half a question?

"Just for a minute?" Lee asked, hands now hovering next to Gaara's waist.

Oh. "It's not moving anymore. And it's too small, you won't be able to feel it."

Lee huffed. "But can't I just try? It's not fair you get to feel it and I don't!"

Gaara frowned. He failed to see what fairness had to do with it. The baby was in his body, so it was only natural that he could feel it and Lee couldn't. But he didn't suppose it would hurt anything. "Fine."

Lee beamed and reached up to Gaara's waist. His hands were up too high, but it didn't matter. The baby was still.

"I don't feel anything, Gaara," Lee told him, sounding disappointed. "Here, can you unzip your coat a little maybe?"

Gaara unharnessed his gourd, set it on the ground behind him, and unzipped his jacket.

Lee made a thoughtful face and then slid his hands under the mesh shirt Gaara was wearing to touch his skin. His hands were warm, the bandages rough. "Must be cozy in there," he murmured.

"Yes," Gaara agreed. He didn't care what that Haruno woman said. Even a baby had to know it felt warm and good being inside someone.

Lee sighed and shifted onto his knees. He wrapped his arms around Gaara's middle and rested his cheek against his stomach. He stayed there for quite some time, eyes closed, peaceful, waiting for the baby to move. His breathing was calm and steady, breath puffing lightly against Gaara's skin.

Gaara looked down at him, cocking his head to see around Lee's bangs. The way he was leaning, Gaara's shirt pulled up so that it mussed his hair. Lee's dark lashes lay still against his tanned cheek. His skin was sweaty and a little sticky against Gaara's middle.

Gaara liked it. It felt nice. Gaara told him so.

Lee blushed, tilting his head up to look at Gaara. "You've got to tell me when it moves again, okay? I want to feel our baby…" Smiling, he kissed the skin just below Gaara's navel.

Gaara brought his hand to the back of Lee's neck and ran his fingers through his hair. It was damp from the heat, but soft. Lee's neck was sunburned in a thin strip just above the collar of his uniform.

Lee's tongue was hot and slick against Gaara's skin. It made Gaara shiver.

He would never understand his boyfriend's view on sex. There was evidently a Right and a Wrong time for it, but Gaara could never tell the difference. Given that Shukaku was calm, as long as they were alone and not too busy with work, it seemed like a fine time to him. But sometimes at the mere mention of sex, his boyfriend's face would unexpectedly turn beat red, and he'd start spluttering incoherently. Gaara recognized this as embarrassment, though he didn't grasp the concept. When Lee did this sort of thing, of course, Gaara left him alone until Lee decided the time was Right. A week or two later, Lee would practically beg Gaara to bend him over his desk, to hell with the Daimyo waiting just outside the door. It was all very confusing.

This though, what they were doing now, with Lee's teeth pulling at his zipper, his strong hands running up and down Gaara's back, was not confusing at all. Nor was it confusing when Lee did what came next. It was warm and soft and left him with that strange sense of comfort deep inside that nothing else could ever give him.

Afterward, he slid down into Lee's lap, muscles lax and tingling. He rested his head on his boyfriend's shoulder, arms hanging limply beside him as he caught his breath. He sighed distantly when Lee kissed his forehead and zipped his pants back up.

The room was hot and stuffy, and it smelled dusty and unused. Eyes half closed, Gaara regarded its one small, grated window high on the eastern side. A weak stream of light fell across the room onto a bare, stained wall. The half-built crib stood beside its ripped cardboard box in the room's center, crooked wooden slats jutting up like the charred remains of a burned-out building. Abandoned and desolate, this seemed like the last place in the world a baby should live. Even Gaara knew this.

But he also knew that if he turned, he'd see the fluffy green turtle Lee's sensei had brought laying beside the door on top of a carefully folded stack of pearly white bedding with green edging and a soft green pillow with tiny shuriken embroidered on it that Lee had brought back from his last mission. Everything good came from Lee. He'd built their entire life together nearly single-handedly, forcing Gaara to recognize parts of himself he'd never dared to before. All of it had been Lee's doing. Except for this. This was the final step. And this would prove things, either way.

He did his best not to think about it, sliding across Lee's shoulder to bring his lips to his boyfriend's cheek. "I like when you build things," Gaara told him.

Lee snorted, gesturing out toward the tilted wooden wreck. "Well I sort of only half built this one."

"Just like the baby," Gaara mused, idly touching Lee's soft cheek lightly with his fingertips.

Lee made a strange noise.

Gaara liked Lee's training uniform. It accentuated his shape nicely during battle, not hiding his hard-earned, sleek muscle and the grace of his taijutsu as other clothing might. It was also warm and comfortable to sleep in, as Gaara had discovered one particularly cold night during a winter trip to Water Country. It was, however, rather difficult to get Lee out of when Gaara wanted him naked.

"Gaara, what're you-- hey! Wait, I have to finish the-- Gaara, don't!"

"Finish it later," Gaara told him as he edged the stretchy neck over one of Lee's broad shoulders.

"But if I don't finish the crib, our darling sweet infant won't have anyplace to sleep!" he protested, setting Gaara gently on the ground as he stood. He kissed the top of Gaara's head on the way.

Gaara dubiously eyed the obvious bulge now resting at eye level. "I'll be quick," he said, reaching for it. "I just want to give you a--"

"Gaaaaaaaraaa!" a red-faced Lee exclaimed indignantly, throwing him an accusatory glare as he stepped quickly out of reach.

"You can finish the crib after, Lee," Gaara pointed out, annoyed. The ground was much less comfortable to sit on than Lee was, and the wobbly crib was less fun to look at. "You still have over four months."

"Absolutely not!" his boyfriend declared, fist suddenly clenched and eyes fiery despite his undoubtedly distracting hard-on. "A ninja never leaves a job half done. I must finish my work! Youthful determination will carry me through where skill cannot! This baby crib will be most perfectly constructed both in form and functionality! If I can't assemble it, I will--"

"The instructions are under the box," Gaara said.

Lee blinked. "Really?"

"Yes," Gaara said, crossing his arms. "Hurry."

It was amazing how much a simple instruction manual could help speed things along.


	7. Not Cute

**Notes:** It's been a long time since I've updated this (sorry, please don't throw eggs at me!) because I've gotten involved in other projects. Poor Gaara, four months pregnant all this time, lol! I apologize if this chapter doesn't fit with the others so well, flow-wise, because the fic characters I've been writing recently speak with British accents, and it's thrown me off. With the number of people who really support me finishing this though, I decided I could let a bit of oddness slide in favor of another installment.

**CHAPTER 7: Not Cute**

Since Sakura was such a good person, she didn't smack Naruto upside the head. That said, if she had, she felt as though she'd have been justified in doing it.

Good, kind person that she was though, she just glared, radiating waves of pure hatred toward the blonde. "The thing I carried for three days… the heavy, bulky, fragile thing that was absolutely essential to our trip that you couldn't possibly manage to fit in your backpack, was THAT?"

Naruto scratched his neck, oblivious. "Well yeah," he said, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. "It's like, a traditional present for pregnant guys and stuff!"

"Naruto," she hissed, clenching her fists so tight her fingers hurt.

"But look Sakura-chan," Naruto said, "these are the ones with sprinkles!"

Yes, they did indeed have sprinkles. A lot of them. In fact, they probably had as many sprinkles as ten pounds of mini frosted sugar cookies could possibly manage to have. And if Naruto hadn't already given them to the Kazekage as a gift, the redhead now peering curiously into the half-opened wrapping paper, Sakura would've shoved them down his throat.

Sprinkle.

By.

Sprinkle.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Naruto suddenly exclaimed, fishing a smaller package out of his bag. He waved it in front of Gaara's face gleefully.

How the hell Naruto ended up getting named as Konoha's new military liaison to Suna after Lee's… well… change in status… due to certain… circumstances… Sakura would never know. He was as much of an idiot now as he was when she first got put onto a team with him. Maybe even worse. Hadn't grown up one iota. She was shocked he hadn't started a war yet.

"Another one?" the Kazekage asked, handing the cookies absently to Lee, who held onto the top of the heavy bag that had strained Sakura's back for three days straight as though it weighed mere ounces.

Sakura glared at Naruto as Gaara peeled back the tacky orange and blue paper.

"It's a book," Gaara said, eyeing it warily, "with a woman in a rocking chair on it."

"It's a pregnant chick! Look--" Naruto grabbed it, threw the wrapping paper on the ground, and started flipping through the pages, "--it has all sorts of stuff about having babies! Even pictures! See?"

Gaara blinked at the page Naruto was holding up to his face. And then proceeded to yank the book unceremoniously from his hands.

Naruto laughed, hands on his hips triumphantly as Gaara stared wide-eyed at the opened book. Lee gaped over his shoulder, now holding the gigantic, multicolored bag of sprinkled cookies lovingly to his chest as one would a small child.

"Hey, are those cookies?" Sakura heard Kankuro ask from the doorway.

Sakura wanted to cry. She'd left her duties as a medic for a week for THIS?

"I brought them for the baby! Babies like cookies, right Gaara?" Naruto asked. "And besides, we've got to fatten you up. You still look so skinny!"

"Naruto, pregnant women do not have to get fat!" Sakura informed him irritably, toeing at a small pile of sand under her foot. "Recommended weight gain is usually between fifteen and thirty-five pounds, approximately ten to twenty of which will be lost during the birth from amniotic fluid and--"

"But he doesn't even look like he's knocked up! Look!" he declared, pointing. "Skinny!"

Sakura sighed. Really, why did she even try?

In reality though, Gaara did look a bit skinny still for someone nearly in… his… third trimester. He was wearing the same clothes, monstrous gourd belted to his back as usual, looking no different to her than he had a half a year ago. Of course, being that he was a GUY, maybe this was completely normal. It was possible that his weight was distributed differently, hiding the signs that were usually quite obvious by this stage. But then, given that he was Gaara, Sakura couldn't imagine anything about him ever being normal anyway. She'd have to do an extra thorough examination this time, just in case. She was NOT looking forward to it.

"He's gained some," Lee said distractedly, squawking as Gaara turned the page. "Hey, I wasn't done reading yet! I want to see every stage of our budding new life, in all its glorious--"

"Can I have some cookies, Gaara?" Kankuro asked, ignoring the book altogether.

"Hey, the cookies are for the PREGNANT people!" Naruto insisted loudly. "The ones that need FATTENING!"

"Hey Gaara," Kankuro tried again, "I can have some of those baby cookies, right?"

"Wah! Are you pregnant too?" Naruto exclaimed, an incredulous look on his face. "What the HELL? Why doesn't anyone ever tell me anything? I JUST found out about Gaara, and now--"

"What the FUCK are you talking about? How the FUCK would I be pregnant?" Kankuro's face had become shockingly red beneath its garish purple paint. "I fuck GIRLS, you FUCKING--"

"YOU IDIOTS ARE SO DAMN LOUD I CAN HEAR YOU ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALL! SHUT THE HELL UP!"

At the sound of Temari's voice, Lee, Kankuro, and Naruto started guiltily. Sakura cringed at her scowling figure in the doorway, hand gripping her fan menacingly before she turned on her heel and left, but Gaara didn't even flinch. Book held open with one hand, he took the large bag of cookies from Lee with the other. Sakura thought he was going to leave, but he just stood there, apparently entranced by whatever he was reading.

"Thank you for the baby presents," Lee said, "We really appreciate your contribution to our new family! Right, Gaara?"

"Yes. Thank you." Gaara echoed, not bothering to look up. Craning her neck, Sakura could see a small drawing of a woman's womb. Given the circumstances, she found it incredibly creepy and really wished she'd minded her own business.

"Heheh no problem! For thanks, you can just name the baby after me! Like, Naruto Junior!"

Before Sakura managed to chew him out, Gaara said, "I've already decided on a name."

Lee blinked vacantly at his boyfriend. "You have? What?"

Turning the book slightly sideways and cocking his head, Gaara told him, "I'm going to name the baby Lee."

A resounding silence filled the room.

"Um, well Gaara, uh…" Lee spluttered, "that's not really… you see, if we name babies after someone, a, ah… relative, it's usually the uh… mother's father, which in this case would mean… well, we certainly can't do THAT, so…"

"I'm naming it Lee," Gaara said again. "It's the best name."

Kankuro shook his head, eyes wide, clearly terrified at the prospect. "Gaara, I don't think you--"

"This decision is not debatable." Gaara looked annoyed, though he still didn't look up from his book.

Lee shifted nervously as Kankuro gaped, his expression looking a bit as if someone had just told him they'd killed his puppy. And then dropped its pitifully broken form at his feet.

"Lee's an okay name, but I still think you should name it Naruto Junior!" the blonde piped up, oblivious as usual. "Come on Sakura-chan! Let these guys talk, and I'll show you my office! It's HUGE!"

For once, Sakura was grateful Naruto had no sense of social propriety. She left the happy Sand family behind, and followed Naruto to his office, which was luckily just as big as he claimed.

XXXXXXXXXX

Later that day when Sakura examined Gaara, she wished there had been a closet in Naruto's mammoth office she could've hidden in. But of course there wasn't because this was Suna, and no matter how skilled their architects, you can't make closets out of desert.

Gaara had his shirt off, his arms crossed above the small bulge that hadn't been visible when he'd been clothed, regarding Sakura with that "I am displeased" expression. Well, Sakura wasn't thrilled either, but what was she supposed to do about it?

He let her touch his stomach without comment, and the baby seemed fine, growing quickly and strong. She asked the Kazekage all the required questions: are you feeling alright? eating properly? not over-exerting yourself? baby moving yet? no problems? but the responses she got were monosyllabic and obviously told just to get rid of her.

Sakura did her best to keep her temper. It wasn't as though she expected him to behave differently, after all. Was being pregnant supposed to suddenly make him into a reasonable human being?

"Alright then, Kazekage-sama," she told him sweetly, unsatisfied but not wanting to deal with any of it anymore, "everything seems fine. Any questions for me?"

Gaara uncrossed his arms and looked uncertain for a moment. "Yes," he said, and ran his palm over the baby bulge. He wouldn't be able to hide it much longer; in fact, looking at it now, Sakura wondered how he'd kept it hidden for even this long. Probably bad posture.

"Okay," Sakura prompted.

"Is it… Lee has said that it is…" an odd look crossed his features, "cute. Is it?"

"The… your… um… what?" Sakura asked.

"Babies are cute," Gaara said, as if trying out the statement to see how it sounded. "Lee has said that my abdomen is also cute. He touches it. And sometimes giggles. Is it cute?"

Sakura swallowed. "Well… I guess it's true that babies are cute…"

Gaara raised a nonexistent eyebrow.

"…but cuteness is really, ah… subjective," she explained with some difficulty. "So. If Lee says your uh… the… that… is cute, I'm sure he thinks it is."

"But you don't think so."

She shook her head, not trusting what might come out of her mouth should she chance to open it.

The Kazekage nodded. "Good. Then he must be right."

Sakura sighed, defeated. "I'm sure he is. I brought you some vitamins, Kazekage-sama, and I'd suggest you take them. Really, please. I know you won't listen to anything I have to say, but this is going to be more and more of a drain on your system as time goes by, not to mention the baby's. And Lee won't think it's cute if either of you get sick."

Gaara looked down at his naked stomach, which he'd been rubbing softly for some time now. "Lee likes that I'm cute. He wants a cute baby. I will take your vitamins."

Sakura could've passed out with relief. "Thank you, Kazekage-sama."

"Leave them with Kankuro. He will have them properly inspected for poisons."

"Right," Sakura mumbled as she turned and left, Gaara still shirtless, "poisons." She was done here, and it's not as if Gaara would recognize bad manners anyway.

XXXXXXXXXX

Approximately two and a half weeks ago, Rock Lee began to notice his food disappearing.

It started out with an uneaten ball of dango, a last bite of rice, or a fig he swore he'd left, just so it would be the last taste in his mouth when he finished eating. Lately though, entire spring rolls started vanishing from his plate. Interestingly enough, this only happened when Gaara was around.

"You could just get more food, Gaara," Lee had told him on numerous occasions. "You're eating for two now, after all!"

"That has nothing to do with it. I was just hungry," his boyfriend insisted every time, sometimes adding in something particularly tedious about his day that had contributed to his hunger.

Lee had begun taking a bit extra from the mess hall and purposefully leaving uneaten bits at strategically reachable locations on his dish. He felt good that he could share his meal with the future… mother… of his child, and the small belly Gaara was developing, besides reassuring him that everything was alright, was undeniable adorable. Lee tried not to think of it too often though, because when he did it in public, people were constantly stopping him to ask if he was alright.

When Naruto and Sakura-san had arrived earlier in the week with their giant bag of cookies, Lee had set them on the counter in the hopes that Gaara might snack on them a bit when he was feeling particularly insomniac and not in the mood to leave their quarters to get food.

When he saw the bag sitting open and empty, Gaara beside it reading the book Naruto had brought yet again, Lee thought he'd try one. After all, sprinkles, you know? But the bag was empty.

"Gaara, where'd you put the cookies?" he asked, looking to see if he'd emptied them into a cookie tin.

"I ate them," Gaara told him.

"No, I mean the rest of them. There were ten pounds."

"I ate them," Gaara repeated, flipping a page.

"You didn't eat ten pounds of cookies, Gaara," Lee told him with a dismissive wave of his hand.

The redhead said nothing.

"Gaara. You didn't just eat ten pounds of cookies."

Silence.

"…did you?"

"It took an hour," was his boyfriend's response.

Lee gaped. "Gaara, that's-- well, first of all, it's really impressive, I doubt I could even eat that much, but-- you can't eat such unhealthy things! It's bad for the baby!"

"Did you know that the baby's hands are now fully developed, and exploring the structures inside the uterus may become its prime entertainment?" Gaara asked.

"Really? That's amazing! Did you read that in your-- Gaara, stop trying to change the subject!" Lee protested when he realized what was happening. But the baby's hands! How cute! Their baby had hands! Their most adorable, sweet, cute, darling little one (whom they were decidedly NOT naming Lee!) had HANDS!

Gaara looked up from his book, seeming unhappy about it. "Unless you want me throw them up, there's nothing I can do about it. Now leave me alone. I have a stomach ache."

Lee sighed, thinking of tiny, adorable baby hands, kissed Gaara's forehead, patted his belly softly, and left. Naruto and Sakura-san were leaving soon, and he'd bid them farewell before force-feeding the expectant mother some veggies.


	8. Breakdown

CHAPTER 8: Breakdown

Temari was awakened by a presence in her bedroom.

It was on edge, its powerful, uncontrolled chakra radiating over her in a way that was anything but friendly. Enemy nin, her senses told her. Fan beside the bed, kunai under the pillow, prepare to defend yourself. She was about to make a move when the person spoke.

"Temari. Wake up," her youngest brother's voice said.

She opened her eyes with a jolt to see him hovering over her bed, black-rimmed eyes wide in the moonlight. "Gaara!" she did her best but failed to say calmly, heart beating hard in her chest. She reminded herself that her brother was sane now, that he wasn't going to hurt her, but she took hold of her fan just in case. "What're you doing here? It's…" she looked briefly at the clock, "almost 4 AM…"

But as her eyes grew more accustomed to the light, she realized something about him was off. Or more off than usual, she supposed. "Gaara, what's wrong?"

"Temari, what are preservatives?" he demanded in a pinched voice, his chest rising and falling too quickly.

She blinked and wiped her eyes. If this was a dream, it was a very unsettling one. "Preservatives? Like in food?"

"The book Naruto brought says I can't have them. They're bad for the baby."

"Well Gaara, maybe if you eat them all the time," she answered with caution, "but you eat healthy--"

"The book says I can't eat them. It says they're bad for the baby," he told her again, looking somewhere into the blackness of her room. His eyes were too wide, his strange green pupils alarmingly distended. His right hand was trembling.

"Gaara…" she started, trying to think of a way to calm him down because this wasn't looking good. "Have you talked to Lee about this? Where is he?"

"He's asleep. Temari, cookies have preservatives in them, don't they?"

"But Sakura says you're fine. She says the baby's fine. You don't have to worry about eating a few cookies, alright?"

"I haven't been eating enough protein either," he continued as if he hadn't heard a word she said, bending over himself and clutching roughly at his belly. "That's bad for the baby too. The baby needs protein to grow strong."

The sight the small bulge at Gaara's middle pressed tightly against the linen of his clothing unnerved Temari indescribably. "Gaara, why don't we go get Lee…"

"And I need folic acid. I'm not getting enough. It's bad for the baby. The baby needs it. And I was outside too long yesterday, on patrol. It was too warm. Heat will hurt the baby." Gaara's chest was heaving with chopped, uneven breaths. He sounded as if he was beginning to hyperventilate.

"Gaara, the baby is fine--"

"NO!" he cried, gripping his forehead. The cork on his gourd popped, the sound eerie in the silence of the night. "I ruined it! It was brand new and perfect and I ruined it!"

Temari watched in horror, breath caught in her throat, as the sand slithered out and up Gaara's back, across his chest, and down his legs. "Kankuro! Lee!" she screamed.

Gaara rocked back and forth, his arms wrapped around his belly, the sand twisting around his forearms, rustling about the floor at his feet. "I ruined it! I ruined it! No, NO!"

"Gaara!" Temari did her best not to panic and squatted down a safe distance away from him. She held her fan tightly at her side. "You didn't ruin anything. Everything's fine. The baby's fine, you're doing a good job, okay?"

"Temari, wh-- oh shit!" she heard from the door.

"Kankuro, go get Lee!" she yelled.

"What the hell's--"

"I don't know, he's freaking out! Go get Lee NOW!"

She didn't bother to wait for a response, turning quickly back to Gaara, who was making pained gasping noises and scratching his nails deep into his tousled hair. The sand streamed in rivulets across the pale skin of his face.

"Gaara, Kankuro's getting Lee, okay. Everything is fine. You're fine, the baby's fine, everything is fine!" Her voice edged on hysterical, and she knew she wasn't fooling anyone.

Gaara's response was a muffled gurgle, and she felt the chakra swirl out of him alarmingly. Damn, she should've left Kankuro with him and gotten Lee herself. She was hardly qualified to be talking her pregnant brother down off a proverbial ledge. She's had to do that once, literally, to a young Chuunin who'd cracked under the pressure. After about three minutes, she'd gotten sick of it and told him to just jump and get it over with. Though it had worked in that case, the man then collapsing into a sobbing heap, she didn't think she'd try the same methods here.

"Gaara!" Lee exclaimed as he appeared in the door, his already large eyes growing even wider as he saw the state his boyfriend was in. Temari didn't think she'd ever been quite so happy to see him. "Gaara, what's wrong?"

Kankuro was directly behind Lee, standing in the doorway as the Leaf nin rushed in. Temari thankfully backed away until she was beside her oldest brother.

"Gaara, it's going to be alright," Lee declared. "I'm here now."

"What the hell's going on?" Kankuro whispered, rubbing at his left eye.

Temari said nothing as she watched Lee approach her brother, who was still rocking and moaning, hands trembling as they grasped at his stomach. "I ruined it," he murmured. "I ruined it."

"Ruined what?" Lee asked calmly. He too kept a slight distance from Gaara, though closer than Temari had been sitting. Temari thought it was reckless, getting so close when Gaara looked about as sane as he'd been during their first Chuunin exams. But she sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to step in.

"The baby," he moaned, "I ruined it."

"What are you talking about?" Lee looked as if he wanted to comfort him more, maybe hug him, but he wisely refrained.

"I ate cookies. Cookies are bad, the book says they're bad. They have preservatives. I ate them. I ruined the baby, and it's too late to make a new one. It's all my fault."

"Gaara, Sakura-san says the baby's fine. You didn't eat that many cookies… well you did sort of eat a lot--"

Temari wanted to smack him.

"--but the baby's fine! If the baby wasn't fine, Sakura-san would've told you!"

"…it was so perfect… a perfect brand new thing… nobody made it bad… and I ruined it… it's ruined now, it's not brand new and perfect… I ruined it… it's ruined…" he trailed off, mumbling incomprehensibly.

Temari gasped and Kankuro swore under his breath as Lee, a sudden look of determination on his face, leaned toward Gaara and reached directly into the sand slithering dangerously across his chest.

Gaara didn't try to push him away, and the sand itself seemed disinterested in Lee's presence. Temari wondered how long he'd been able to do something like this and when he got the incredibly stupid idea to try it for the first time. No one else on the planet would dream of touching Gaara when he was like this… well, maybe Naruto, but that was because he was an idiot. More of an idiot. Whatever. In any case, the next time she saw him, Temari was going to strangle him for giving her brother that book!

"Shh…" Lee said quietly, drawing Gaara into his arms. The sand crept up his forearms and slid over his toes, but he didn't seem to notice. "The baby's fine, I can feel it. You're just worried because of how much you love the baby."

Gaara jerked at this word, 'love,' and Temari heard Gaara gasp and try to pull away. "No, no…"

"This does NOT look good…" Kankuro murmured from beside her.

Tell me about it, she thought. In a low tone she told him, "I'm sure by now this has been noticed, and people have been evacuated. But why don't you go and make sure, just in case he…" she swallowed, not wanting to think about what might happen if Gaara lost it in the middle of the village. "Just go."

"Yeah, sure thing." He sounded relieved to be leaving.

Meanwhile, Lee was talking to Gaara, and her brother was mumbling back, but what they were saying was too quiet for Temari to hear. Whatever it was, it sounded private, and probably highly disturbing, so she decided to give them some space and wait outside the door. There was nothing she could do to help anyway.

She paced the hallway, the weight of her fan across her back comforting, and hoped Lee would diffuse the situation quickly. No matter how much of an oddball screw-up as he was and how infuriated Temari got with him when he did moronic things like impregnate her Kazekage, he usually seemed to know what was best for Gaara.

Perhaps ten minutes later, the tension lessened, Gaara's chakra noticeably subsiding, and she went back in. Her entrance was met with the sight of Gaara resting in Lee's arms, his head tipped to one side, his eyes closed. She felt her panic rise once more when she thought he might have fallen asleep, but then she realized Gaara was just resting, Lee rubbing his shoulders softly. The gourd sat calmly beside him, corked and falsely innocent-looking.

"Temari, could you please bring us a glass of warm milk and some rice?" Lee asked quietly. "And have a message sent to Konoha that we need Sakura-san to come back."

She nodded, convinced everything was under at least some sort of tenuous control, and was only too glad to leave. On the way to the kitchen, she met Kankuro and pawned the food duty off on him. "What the hell happened to your eye?" she asked her brother, when she noticed it was swollen and turning a nice shade of purple.

He winced. "Uh… when I tried waking him up, Lee sorta…"

Temari rolled her eyes. Of course he hadn't remembered what waking the Leaf jounin from a sound sleep tended to earn the waker. Namely, loudly incoherent mumbling and a semi-conscious barrage of fists. Idiot.

After sending a hawk to the Hokage, Temari headed to Gaara's office. This had gone on too long in secret, the Kazekage's condition known only to her, Kankuro, and a handful of questionably trustworthy Leaf nin. ANBU needed to be alerted, as well as the head med-nin, and probably the elders. Her brother's condition wouldn't be able to be hidden for much longer, and she needed to ensure that it met with the least opposition possible and didn't weaken his influence over Suna.

But mostly, she needed to be sure Gaara would come out of it alright. No matter what he got himself into, how badly he messed things up, he was still her brother, and she would protect him. She would protect them all, because they were family.

But that could wait until tomorrow.

Temari had had enough of family for the day, and she needed a bit of a distraction at the moment. Grabbing a large stack of papers off Gaara's desk, she dug through the mission requests and found herself something suitably violent.

Reconnaissance? No. Interrogation? No. Prison inspection? Definitely not.

Ah, here it was! Criminal apprehension, use of deadly force approved.

Life was good.


	9. In Which Gaara Doesn't Like Anything

**Notes:** See, I _told_ you I'd update eventually, lol! Captain Sanada is a creation of Maldoror GW, from her fic Diplomatic Relations, and does not belong to me. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping nobody minds me taking him for a little spin before returning him. Thanks for all the support and kind but firm urging for me to post again!

**CHAPTER 9: In Which Gaara Doesn't Like Anything**

A number of strange rumors were going around Suna.

Many of them involved the Kazekage's seemingly failing health or unstable mental state, and Lee was stopped on the street by an old woman to be questioned about Gaara's chakra patterns on the night of the full moon last May when Jupiter and Saturn were aligned. One of the rumors even stated that that Suna was readying once more for war and they would all die bloody, terrible deaths at the hands of otherworldly marauders who knew secret death jutsu.

Luckily, none of the rumors involved the Kazekage bearing Lee's lovechild.

Still, it made Lee feel jumpy and nervous to see Gaara behind the beaded screen where his father, the former Kazekage, used to sit to keep a proper distance from those meeting with him. Gaara sat quietly, his Kazekage robes billowing out over him to hide his belly, carrying out his public appointments with his usual emotionless expression and neutral tone.

Only Lee knew what had really happened that night and what Gaara was really feeling.

Sakura-san had been recalled immediately, of course, even though she and Naruto hadn't even made it back to Konoha yet. "This had better be good," she told Lee, cracking her knuckles in a way that, if she didn't have such a naturally sweet and kindly disposition, would've made Lee think she was about to bash someone's teeth in.

Namely, his.

Gaara was limp like overcooked ramen, letting himself be poked, prodded, and even scolded by Sakura-san without so much as a peep.

Something was clearly still very wrong with him.

"There's nothing wrong with you," Sakura-san finally declared. "The baby is fine. You're fine. Take your vitamins and eat more green vegetables. I'm going home. _Again_."

Gaara's lips formed into an odd pucker. He looked down at the bump of his belly and laid one shaky-fingered hand against it. "Naruto," he said in a quiet voice. "Is it still brand new?"

"Eh?" said Naruto, who was over by the counter fiddling with the sink nozzle.

"Babies are brand new," Gaara murmured, "you told me. You said they're perfect and… do you think… do you think I broke it?"

Naruto blinked. "Huh?"

"You said," Gaara continued, "that I should have a baby."

Naruto's mouth hung open. "When was _this?_" he squawked. "Was I _drunk?_"

Gaara didn't have a chance to answer before Sakura-san had Naruto in a headlock. "What did you tell him, you little--!"

"Gack! Nothing!" Naruto said, which was a feat with Sakura-san's forearm around his jugular. "I didn't tell him-- gluck gurk gnuhuh!"

"You did," Gaara said, unaffected by the strange purplish color Naruto's face was turning. "When we were talking that night about how wrong it was, sealing demons into children. You said babies are perfect, brand new beings. That even I was once perfect."

Sakura-san paused in her strangle-hold, gaping at Gaara as though he had just said something that changed her fundamental worldview, like "the sky is green," or "kittens bark."

Gaara pressed both hands to his stomach, a crease forming between his browless eyes. "You said that if I had a baby and loved it, it could be perfect too. That even something so broken could create something pure."

Naruto coughed, tugged at Sakura-san's arm, and wheezed, "I did?"

Sakura-san looked down at him, an odd sort of admiration in her eyes. "Did you? Naruto, that's almost… inspirational…"

"Oh," Naruto squeaked, "oh yeah. Definitely. That's me, inspirational to the core, haha!"

"That is so beautiful!" Lee cried, tears running down his cheeks and fist raised in triumph.

Naruto and Sakura-san both gaped. "Er…" Sakura-san began.

"I was also intrigued by the sheer amount of sex Lee and I would need to have to start the baby," Gaara continued, much to the horror of all present. "Though it seems that after four or five times in one day--"

"Ah-hahaha!" said Lee, rubbing the back of his neck and wishing he were dead just a little.

Naruto, who was now hanging loosely in Sakura-san's grasp, had turned a very unusual and most likely not very healthy shade of green. Sakura-san released him, and he fell with a plonk onto the floor. "Tell him the baby's still brand new!" she hissed.

"Uh," Naruto said from the floor, "yeah, sure."

"I want a new doctor," Gaara demanded, looking perturbed.

Lee sighed and wiped away the last traces of his manly tears, glad his boyfriend was reassured and back to normal.

Now that Sakura-san and Naruto had left again, Sakura-san promising she'd be back the week the baby was due, taking audiences behind the bead curtain was only one of the precautions they decided to take. Gaara seemed to be showing more and more every day, his belly getting so big that if anyone saw him standing up, it would be terribly obvious something odd was going on.

Temari was the one to alert the ANBU.

Lee did not envy her.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Temari-san, could you please repeat that? For a moment, I thought you said that your brother, our Kazekage, was pregnant."

"Yes, Captain Sanada," she replied. "I did."

"Oh," the current head of ANBU replied calmly. "That explains it then."

Because it did.

For months, the Kazekage had been acting strangely, even for his standards. He'd been unusually distracted in meetings, oddly concerned with internal security, and peculiarly unwilling to leave the village for any extent of time. And then there was the vomiting, the fatigue, and the recently-acquired habit of rubbing at his stomach. Had he been a woman, Sanada would have guessed the situation ages ago.

"He's now six months along, and after the latest, ah… issues…" Temari gestured broadly, "we decided it was time to enlist ANBU support and determine the best course of action. For the remainder of the pregnancy and birth, and... whatnot."

"Yes," he told her, "Of course."

A lesser man would panic. He would shrink in fear in the face of such imminent disaster. He might even cower under a desk and cry for his mother. But Captain Sanada was made of sterner stuff. He had been head of ANBU for over a decade and had proudly served Suna, her Kazekage and people, since he graduated from the Academy at the age of eight. He was a veteran of three wars, had killed and ordered countless ninja to their death, and he was not so easily alarmed.

Sanada bowed respectfully to Temari and then began. "There is an abandoned garrison twenty miles outside the Southern city walls. It hasn't been used in years and is only kept supplied with the absolute basics needed to support life in case of emergency. I took shelter there once during a sandstorm some years back, but as far as I know, no one has been there since, and few know of its existence."

Temari nodded in recognition. "So you think we should take the Kazekage there until this is over, to keep him out of danger and the public eye?"

"No," he told her. "Absolutely not. I think you should call an Assembly of the Elders and inform them of this situation immediately. I think you should call the Konoha healer back and have a staff of med-nins on call twenty-four hours a day in case of emergency, as well as a midwife. I think you should have me double the personal guard on the Kazekage. Moreover, I think you should have briefed me on this situation months ago, and the fact that you did not will only complicate matters now."

Temari sighed and rubbed her forehead in a way that suggested it had been aching for some time. "Right, I know. But it's not exactly like I have a whole lot of precedent for contingency plans in the case of male pregnancy of the Jinchuuriki Kazekage."

"Acknowledged," Sanada replied shortly, not at all pleased at the tight spot she'd put him in, yet very relieved he wasn't in her shoes.

"So then, what was it you had planned for the abandoned garrison?" Temari asked.

"Well," he replied, "in an abandoned garrison twenty miles from civilization, no one can hear you scream."

Temari was silent for several long moments.

"I've always respected you," she told him, "but I never realized how much until this very moment."

Sanada bowed deferentially. "I am at your service," he told her, and swept out of the room to spread the terror to his subordinates.

* * *

Gaara didn't like being fat-pregnant.

He didn't like having swollen ankles and the need to piss every hour on the hour. He didn't like how hot it was in his rooms during the day or how cold it was at night or the sounds of people outside the walls in the evenings laughing over their sake. He didn't like having his ANBU guard him even more closely, or hiding his condition from everyone below Jounin level, or Shukaku rustling around on the tips of his thoughts thinking vicious things about the baby. He didn't like his gourd, and he didn't like his clothes, and he didn't like his how he couldn't touch his toes.

In fact, he didn't like much of anything right now.

He especially didn't like the fact that Lee was holding an odd strip of fabric around his painfully stretched belly and mumbling pleasantly to himself.

"Stop," Gaara ordered. "I don't like that."

But Lee only hummed and stretched the strip from his chest to his navel, reading off a number before wrapping the fabric around his waist again.

"I don't like you," Gaara told him.

Lee looked hurt.

Gaara didn't like when Lee looked hurt. "I don't like when you look hurt."

Lee sighed and kissed him on the nose. "I love you so very much, and our baby too," Lee told him, and then pulled something green from his weapons pouch.

"I don't like green," Gaara informed him.

Lee blinked. "You love green!"

"No," insisted Gaara, "I don't. I don't like colors today."

Lee hummed and patted Gaara's belly in a comforting sort of way but generally ignored the comment. "Gai-sensei was so thoughtful to send this! Won't it look adorable, Gaara?"

Gaara looked at the proffered object, which was small and dark green, had what appeared to be arms and legs, and was dangling in the shiny, floppy way only spandex could. Gaara crossed his arms menacingly.

"It's a Baby's First Training Uniform!" Lee exclaimed. "With special tear-away bottom for quick diaper changing access!"

"I don't like Gai-sensei," Gaara told him.

Lee's bottom lip stuck out and threatened to begin quivering. When Gaara didn't relent, his lips puckered, chin trembled, and eyes sparkled with tears, a single drip of snot running down his upper lip.

"I don't like when you do that," Gaara accused.

"Is there anything you DO like, Gaara?" Lee asked, wiping away the tears and snot. "Anything I can get you, or do for you in all my eternal loving devotion, to show that you are first and foremost in my heart of hearts?"

Gaara stared. His Lee said such strange things. He didn't like them.

"Food?" Lee asked. "Or something to drink?"

Gaara shook his head.

"Something to read?" Lee asked.

He shook his head again. "I don't like reading."

"A bath so you can cool down?" Lee offered.

"No," Gaara said.

"A bit of light, doctor-approved exercise to--"

"I don't like exercise," Gaara interrupted before he could say anything about Youth or Springtimes.

Lee frowned. "Sex?"

"I don't like--" Gaara blinked. "Oh. Okay."

Lee beamed triumphantly and kissed him.

Several hours later, Lee was snoring comfortingly with his naked arm wrapped around Gaara's fat middle, and Gaara decided he didn't not like him after all. The baby was jerking, kicking, and likely attempting any number of complex and uncomfortable jutsu in his uterus, all of which pressed very firmly upon his bladder.

"If you knew I was your mother, you wouldn't be doing this, baby," Gaara informed it with a light poke. "It's not nice."

Shukaku hissed something awful and bloodthirsty at the comment, and Gaara frowned. "I don't like you," Gaara told the creature, and it laughed its horrible murderous laugh.

Then there was nothing left to do but ignore the demon and go trudge to the bathroom. The ANBU guarding the hallway made a strange noise and backed away from him toward the wall as he passed. He did the same thing when Gaara came back, which Gaara didn't like. Gaara stopped in front of the man, glaring at his bird mask.

The ANBU swallowed. "Kazekage-sama," he squeaked. "Is there anything you nude? I mean-- need! I mean-- I'm glad you've gotten some sex. I mean-- REST! You're looking very well-hung today! I MEAN--"

The man bowed his head.

Gaara thought he heard the sound of weeping.

Perhaps next time he ventured outside the walls of his bedroom after sex, he should put some clothes on. These humans were so very strange when it came to such things. He didn't like them.

As it seemed the only logical thing to do, Gaara used a Katon on the green Gai-sensei baby outfit. The jutsu flared up brightly for several seconds, and Gaara held the stretchy green fabric out at a safe distance, admiring his work. He decided he liked the outfit better on fire.

Except that it wasn't on fire. It was still hanging there, looking small and green and Youthful. Baring his teeth at it, Gaara threw it to the ground and climbed back into bed with Lee, slapping at his arm when his boyfriend tried to wrap it around him.

Gaara didn't like fire-resistant fabric.


	10. Finally!

**Notes:** I'm no longer so much into the Naruto fandom, but I'm doing the best I can to actually finish this!

**CHAPTER 10: Finally!**

Lee should've known Gaara's patience wouldn't last.

He couldn't stay cooped up inside, pouring over papers like a bureaucrat while everyone else did the real work. It made him nervous and twitchy, and that in turn had everyone else scared stiff and creeping around on their proverbial (if not literal) tiptoes. It was no way to run a country, with half your staff inches away from committing themselves in the local loony bin, and Lee knew this, even if it was for Gaara's safety and the safety of their baby.

When Gaara announced to him that he was going out to observe the progress of the new Genin's training, his expression serious and belly jutting out before him like the prow of a ship, or perhaps Tsunade's ample bosom gone awry, Lee could only shrug hopelessly and insist that he accompany the Kazekage. People would know eventually anyway. Maybe it was best to get them used to the idea before the baby was actually born, anyway.

Things went fairly well, in Lee's opinion. Relatively few civilians who saw Gaara waddling through the village on the way to the training grounds required immediate medical attention, and Gaara seemed oblivious to the others' gaping stares.

The young Genin took things a bit differently.

"Sensei, Kazekage-sama got fat!" one boy, a redhead missing several teeth with a bandage around his arm, announced in ear-splitting tones, pointing a dirty finger at Gaara. "How's he supposed to protect us from evil when he's FAT?"

The Jounin accountable for him, a stocky man who'd lost a good chunk of his left cheek on a covert ops mission some years before, cringed and spluttered and covered the boy's mouth and looked like he wanted to die a painful, bloody death this very instant. Or maybe yesterday.

A small girl in pigtails standing beside them made a noise and shook her head. "I think it's a tumor."

The Jounin hissed, now attempting to cover the girl's mouth as well. "It's not a tumor!"

Gaara regarded the scene with mild interest. "I am pregnant," he said.

Seventeen very wide-eyed children stared back at him. Six jounin sensei looked about to cry.

Lee realized slightly belatedly that this this trip might've been a phenomenally bad idea. They were bound to have parental complaints. Unfortunately, lunging toward the Kazekage to cover his mouth wasn't so much of an option, nor was blindfolding all the Genin, at least not at this point. If only he'd thought of that before! Luckily though, the children proved more resilient than the adults and recovered in a matter of moments.

"You can't have babies," another child, a tall brunet this time, announced. "You're a BOY."

"I am Kazekage. I can have babies if I want to," Gaara answered, eyeing the boy with unaffected calm. "But I am only having one."

"My sister's pregnant," a tiny, freckled girl confided. "Mom says it's a disgrace 'cause she's not married an' nobody's gonna wanna marry her when she gives the milk away for free. Which is weird 'cause she's lactose intolerant. She's not as fat as you, though, Kazekage-sama."

"Yeah, Kazekage-sama's big as a HOUSE!" another Genin chimed in.

"MY sister did it with a FOREIGN boy. I saw them KISSING!" someone else announced.

"If I'm Kazekage, can I have babies too?" a blond boy with wide eyes asked.

"I'm never kissing a boy," another girl announced. "That's gross, they have cooties. Especially Yayubi!"

"I do not!" Yayubi exclaimed.

"Do too!" the girl shouted back. "And you smell funny too!"

"Do all children act in this manner?" Gaara asked as he regarded the chaos he'd introduced to the scene, a pensive look on his face as he rubbed the bottom of his belly. Though he wouldn't have thought it possible, the action only made the bulge look bigger.

One of the jounin made a pained noise and covered her nose, which had begun to bleed.

"Er, maybe?" Lee offered. He sometimes forgot that Gaara hadn't had a normal childhood, laughing and carrying on with friends, with the freedom to be immature and unruly. This was all new to him.

Gaara frowned and then nodded. "Good," he said, and began his slow waddle back home, his mission, apparently, accomplished.

* * *

A daily patrol of the city's perimeters was now Gaara's main form of exercise and primary method of instilling fear into the citizens of Suna. The Kazekage's status as a, ahem, mother-to-be was an open secret in the village now. Surely other villages had gotten wind of the situation, but reports both from Suna's patrols and those from the Konoha ninja assisting them remained innocuous. Perhaps the other ninja villages were just as horrified as Gaara's own at the thought of a pregnant male Bijou with frequent mood swings and occasional homicidal urges.

In any case, things were going better than expected, and Lee himself was glad the whole thing would be over soon. Not only would the danger be over, but Lee would finally be able to see the baby! He had lovely dreams of chubby-cheeked cherubs sporting handsome green jumpsuits and clutching toy kunai bouncing happily on his knee.

Also, Sakura-san would be in Suna a full week before the baby was scheduled to come, and Lee looked forward to spending time with her. He was sure that with enough cooperative hard work, she and Gaara would see eye to eye-- become the best of friends, even! Oh, how his heart rejoiced at the possibilities!

Ten days before the Kazekage's due date, he and Lee were walking along the ramparts, thoughts of Sakura-san in Lee's head, when Gaara suddenly came to a stop and put his hand on his stomach. As Lee regarded him quizzically, he put his hand against the rampart wall and lowered himself to the ground.

"Uh… are you alright?" Lee asked. "If you're tired, we could--"

"Fine," Gaara answered, squinting a little but staying in the sort of odd squat he'd adopted.

"Okay. Great!" Lee said. "Perfect! So… what're you doing then?"

"Pushing."

"Push… pushing?" Lee blinked. "Pushing what?"

"Pushing," was the Kazekage's only response.

Lee's eyes lit up with panicked comprehension. "Waah! Gaara, not now! It's not time yet! Sakura-san's not getting here for another three days, and Kankuro and Temari are out on the border patrolling the--"

Gaara shook his head. "I've been having contractions since last night."

Lee gaped. "Wha-- why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's not time yet," he replied matter-of-factly.

"But-- but if you're having contractions, then it IS time! It's--" Don't panic, Lee told himself. Remain calm, and don't panic. "Wait, Gaara! Stop! We have to get you back inside!"

"No," Gaara told him.

"Gaara! You can't do that here!"

Gaara only grunted in response, his jaw clenched and face turning redder. Lee realized he was holding his breath as he pushed.

"Gyah! Gaara! Breathe! You have to breathe! In with the breath, out with the breath, in, out, in, out, in, out--"

"You're going to hyperventilate," Gaara informed him, still looking red-faced but quite composed and very obviously less short of breath than Lee.

Lee realized his boyfriend was right and squatted light-headedly down beside him. Remain calm, he reminded himself. Remain clam! "Gaara, I want the baby to come too, but you can't give birth outside in the middle of the day under the blaring hot sun on the upper ramparts of Sunagakure!"

"No," Gaara countered, "I think I can."

Lee was about to resort to tears when one of Gaara's personal ANBU suddenly appeared beside him. "Kazekage-sama," he said, "is there anything wrong?"

"Everything is fine. You can leave," Gaara told him.

Lee tipped over onto his ass. "Gaara! Everything is NOT fine! You're-- you're-- you're--"

"Kazekage-sama, please allow me to escort you back to your residence," the ANBU offered. His tone indicated that it was more of an informal order than an offer, but Gaara either didn't notice or didn't care.

"The baby has decided to come now, but everything is fine," he said, grimacing at what was most likely another contraction. "I don't require any assistance."

The ANBU paused. "Are you shitting me, sir?" he asked.

"My water just broke," Gaara told him.

"I'll get help." And he was gone.

Exactly two minutes and ten seconds later, the ramparts were surrounded by twenty men in frightening animal masks, and Gaara was calmly sucking on ice chips under the canopy tent they'd set up around him.

Lee, on the other hand, was pacing nervously just outside. He would've liked to have stayed at his boyfriend's side, but he didn't want to get in the way. That and Gaara and the Med-nins had gotten sick of his constant offers of help and had kicked him out indefinitely. Now that the area was secured and Gaara was as comfortable as he could be given the circumstances, the Med-nins were standing nervously around the outside edge of the tent, wanting to help but not terribly keen on risking their lives to do it. The entire village could feel when a particularly strong contraction hit, the sand beneath their feet shifting malevolently, and Gaara obviously needed some space. Lee decided things would only have been worse if he'd been inside.

Thus Lee was left to alternately pulling at his hair and grabbing at his sides in a way which made him look as though he either had head lice or frightfully bad indigestion. "It'll be alright," he told himself and anyone else who might be near enough to confide in (and some who weren't). "Everything will be fine. Remain calm. Relax. It'll be alright…"

After approximately a quarter hour of this, an ANBU approached him. "Sir," he said.

Lee swallowed.

"I've just spoken with Kazekage-sama, and he told me to deliver a message to you, as he is currently, ah…" he made a little hand movement, "indisposed…"

Oh no. Oh no, Lee hadn't even seen Gaara speak to anyone, he'd been to busy being nervous and decidedly NOT calm OR relaxed, and oh god there was something wrong, and--

"Kazekage-sama has politely requested that you… he would feel much more at ease if you would kindly…" the man made a noise and gave up trying to say it politely. "He really just wants you to shut the hell up. You're giving him a headache."

Lee could've died of relief.

If one very wise ANBU in a tiger mask hadn't found Lee a chair, a fan, an umbrella, and a large bottle of water, biting his nails for four hours under the hot sun waiting for Gaara to have the baby probably would've killed him. Even with these precautions in place, he wobbled in his chair when he heard a collective gasp escape the waiting Med-nins paired with a low growl from Gaara. Steadying himself, he found he wasn't the only thing wobbling-- the entire ramparts seemed to be moving, the sand at his feet creeping up his toes.

The baby's here! He thought. Our baby, finally! After waiting so long and looking so forward to this day, this moment, he would finally get to see--

He passed out at the first squalling scream.

* * *

Temari and Kankuro had just finished up their mission when they spotted the ANBU. He was coming toward them at break-neck speed, leaping from roof to roof in an obvious show of urgency.

The fact that he didn't bother to conceal himself made something catch in Temari's chest. ANBU were always secretive, especially this ANBU in particular. Though she didn't know him by name, Temari recognized him by his messy orange hair as one of Gaara's personal guards.

"Oh shit," Kankuro cursed quietly as the man came to a stop in front of them.

The ANBU knelt, bowed, and then did a most alarming thing: he took off his mask.

An ANBU's mask is his greatest protection. It shields the thing which he values most: his identity; and not only from others, but from himself as well. It's easier to live with killing when it feels like someone else is doing it, nameless and faceless. Removing one's mask is done very few times in the long career of an ANBU, reserved for instances of extreme importance, when the gravity of the situation is too great for such concealment.

But the man behind the mask wasn't grave and serious. In fact, he was a rather handsome young man, possibly still in his teens, with a huge grin plastered on his face.

"It's a girl!" He exclaimed.

Temari's breath caught in her chest, a surge of adrenaline running through her. "A-- is-- holy fuck-- a GIRL? Is she alright? Is Gaara alright? Is-- is SUNA alright?"

The man nodded, still smiling fit to crack his cheeks. "And she's got the cutest eyebrows EVER!"

"Oh, thank god…" Kankuro murmured.

Temari was so relieved, she didn't even hit him.


	11. Naming Baby

**A few (woefully inadequate yet pertinent) notes on the Japanese language:** First off, there is no "L" in Japanese; the letter L is represented by an R. Japanese has two alphabets (hiragana and katakana) as well as kanji (symbols/formal script). Foreign words are always represented in katakana, while most Japanese words, including names, are written in kanji or hiragana or a combination of both. Thus Lee's name actually starts with an R in Japanese and cannot be written in kanji because it is a foreign (Chinese) name. Each kanji can be said numerous ways, depending on the meaning and word it's used in (which makes Japanese particularly difficult for foreigners to figure out!). This is important to the story, I swear! And now that I've fully confused you…

**CHAPTER 11:** NAMING BABY

"It's so small and fragile," Gaara said as he looked down at the tiny slumbering bundle in his arms. "I could crush its skull with one hand."

Lee gasped. "Gaara! Don't say things like that about the baby!"

"I'm not going to do it," Gaara told him levelly, touching the baby's tiny nose with his finger. "I like this baby."

"Well that's a relief," Temari said, looking thoughtfully down at the tiny sleeping form.

"So you think you're gonna keep her?" Kankuro asked with a grin. "Not gonna trade her in for a differefnt one?"

"This one is acceptable," Gaara told him, probably not getting the joke. He hadn't taken his eyes off the baby the whole time.

"Pretty cute, huh?" Kankuro asked.

Temari rolled her eyes. "That's the fourth time you've said that."

"Hey, it's true!"

Lee couldn't disagree. Their baby had a full head of messy black hair, an adorable button nose, tiny puckered lips, and steel grey eyes. Her face was squished just enough to give her a mildly disgruntled look even in sleep, as if she were still a tad annoyed at being forcefully expelled from her nice warm home. And yes, she had cute little eyebrows.

She slumbered peacefully even as Gaara unwrapped the soft pink blanket from around her. Nor did she mind Gaara pulling off her fuzzy booties and sweater.

Ah, so CUTE! Just looking at her made Lee want to gush with glee-- but he didn't because he didn't want Temari to hit him again. Usually his reflexes would kick in before something like that could happen, but with the baby around, his self-defense mechanisms seemed somewhat dulled. Though he was sure if someone tried hurting the baby, one hair on her perfect little head, they'd kick in like--

"Gaara, what're you doing? You just got her dressed," Temari asked as Gaara eased off the diaper.

"I want to look at it again," he told her.

"Gaara," Lee began patiently, gazing happily down at the baby's perfect pink skin, "now that we know the baby is a girl, you should really stop calling her 'it'."

"I think it likes me," was Gaara's response as he poked interestedly at the tiny clamped umbilical cord. "Or at least, I don't think it hates me. Do you think so, Lee?"

"SHE, Gaara, call the baby SHE. Not IT. And as long as you keep her safe and warm and fed, I'm sure she'll like you just fine. But say SHE, alight?"

"It's a good baby, isn't it?" Gaara asked.

Lee sighed heavily in defeat. "Yeah, it's a really good one."

"We did a good job making it," Gaara concluded.

Kankuro cleared his throat and Lee flinched. "Baby making" talk had long since been declared taboo. Lee had promised that if it ever came up again, he'd put a hundred pound weight on his back, tie concrete blocks to his feet, and run twenty laps around--

"Ahem," Temari coughed warningly. "I've sent word to Konoha to send Sakura here as soon as they can, but I was thinking we might call in a midwife so we can make sure to be in time for the naming ceremony."

"Naming ceremony?" Lee asked. This was the first he'd heard of anything of the sort.

"Yeah," Kankuro said. "You don't have one in Konoha?"

"Um," Lee offered.

"Well, in Suna, when the baby's three days old, a village elder checks it out to make sure it's ah…" Kankuro scratched his head, "fit to enter society or whatever. And then they name it. Nowadays, we usually get the baby examined by a midwife and pick the name beforehand though."

Lee nodded. "Well I guess that makes sense… but what happens if the elder decides the baby isn't fit?"

"They set it out on the edge of the Southwestern Bluff and let the wild animals eat it," Temari answered.

Lee squeaked.

"But that's not usually done anymore," she amended.

…usually? Suddenly, Lee felt rather dizzy. Of course there was absolutely nothing wrong with their adorable little girl, she was perfect in every way! Beyond perfect! _Perfectly_ perfect! But what if the elder was some antiquated old man with a grudge against Konoha who decided--

"Lee, are you alright?" Temari asked.

"Ah. Ahaha, it's nothing!" Lee smiled, regaining his balance. There was nothing to worry about. The current Suna elders were assuredly not the type to feed small children to wild animals, and even if they were, they wouldn't dare do it to their Kazekage's baby. Right?

RIGHT?

"You do need a name by then though, so you might want to think about it," Temari told him.

"I'm going to name it Lee," Gaara declared.

Lee stifled a groan. "Gaara, I thought we talked about this…"

"I'm naming it Lee," Gaara insisted. "It's the best name. And it looks just like you."

Lee blinked down at the flawless little naked body and couldn't fathom where Gaara had gotten that idea from. Other than the hair, Lee didn't think she looked like him at all. He'd never been this tiny, this pink, this peaceful…

"As fantastic as that would be," Temari said between clenched teeth, "Suna babies aren't allowed to have foreign names. It's a law, Gaara. You can't even write 'Lee' in traditional Suna script, the letters don't exist. It'd be something like Rii."

"And Lee ain't even a girl's name," Kankuro added.

"They will let me," Gaara told her, turning the baby's head to the side to touch her ear. "You'll see."

"Gaara," Lee began.

"If they do not," the Kazekage continued mildly, "they will regret it. Dearly."

And that was the final word on the subject.

* * *

An antiquated man with a long nose and fluffy white eyebrows and mustache sat before a dying fire, nodding his head and mumbling as Lee and Gaara knelt across from him. It was barely noon, but the small room was dark and stuffy and smelled like incense. The old man's voice was tremulous as he said, "Well, on with it then, hand the little one over."

The baby was cradled against Gaara's chest, naked inside a heavy white blanket, as tradition dictated. Her thick black hair stood out against it, her tiny mouth pursed in her sleep. Yes, Lee decided for the seven hundredth time, she was definitely the cutest baby ever!

Gaara was less than thrilled at having to let their baby out of his grasp, but Lee had spent countless hours reassuring him that everything would be fine. "The Village Elders have held hundreds, maybe THOUSANDS of babies, Gaara. And besides, the baby can't go around without a name forever!"

As Gaara handed the bundled infant across the fire to the old man, he shot an accusing look at Lee, as though this were all his fault. Lee gave him an encouraging thumbs-up, and Gaara looked askance at his bandaged hand.

"Oh, what have we here?" the elder asked, eyes wide as he peered down at the baby. He was unwrapping the blanket and making odd clucking noises with his tongue. "Never seen one like this before… are you sure she's one of Suna's?"

"She is ours," Gaara answered, nodding ever so slightly toward Lee.

The old man frowned and squinted at Gaara, shaking his head and laughing at a joke inside his own head. The thought that the man had suddenly gone senile raced through Lee's brain, but he forced it back. He did the same with the thought that their baby was too foreign looking and unable to be accepted into Suna society. Everything would be fine. Their baby was perfect and cute and not about to be set out on the Southwestern Bluff to be torn apart by wild animals. Not even the really bloodthirsty, starving ones with particularly sharp fangs--

"Its name is Lee," Gaara announced, bringing Lee out of his chilling reverie. He winced and wanted to protest, but Gaara's expression was set as though made of steel.

"Lee?" the old man asked sharply. "Lee. Lee…" he mused, running his gnarled fingers over the baby's pink cheeks. "Lee?"

"Yes," said Gaara. "Lee."

Lee bit his lip and crossed his fingers behind his back because Temari would kill him if she ended up with a niece named Lee, and he wasn't ready to die quite yet.

"No," the old man said, "not this baby. Definitely not a Lee."

Gaara tensed, and Lee winced, reaching out a hand to calm his boyfriend.

"Or rather, not entirely," the Elder continued. "This little girl is something special. Just look at her face! I sense something in her… the woman who saved the Kazekage, Chiyo… Yes, this baby is more than a Lee…"

He chuckled to himself again, rewrapped the child in its blanket, and handed her back to Gaara, pausing to kiss her on the forehead. The baby fussed, not liking the ticklish sensation of the old man's beard against her face, and the Elder made his way slowly to a small table beside the fire. He mumbled something under his breath and withdrew a brush and ink, smoothing down a paper across the tabletop.

He wrote three symbols on the paper in deep red ink, though what they were, Lee couldn't see. Looking down at his work, the man nodded, coughed, and rolled the paper, handing it to Lee. "Your daughter," he said with a nearly toothless smile.

Back in the Kazekage's residence, the baby clutched to Gaara's chest in her white blanket, he demanded, "Open it. What does it say? Tell me. Now."

Lee glanced warily at Gaara, who looked murderous, and unrolled the scroll. He stared down at it in confusion. It bore the formal symbols for blood, beauty, and Leaf. "Um… I don't know," he admitted. "I'm not so good at reading these…"

Gaara all but snatched it out of his hands. Lee watched nervously as his boyfriend's nonexistent brows knit, his lips working at the words. "…ketsu… chi…Chiha… Chiba…"

"Chiyo?" Lee offered, remembering what the Elder had said.

Gaara paused. "Chi," he said, nodding once. "You," he said, nodding again. He paused for a moment, finally adding, "Ri."

Lee blinked. "Chiyouri?"

Gaara scowled, the paper crumpling in his grasp.

"Well that's not so bad, right Gaara? Right?" Lee asked, rescuing the paper from him. "Don't you think it's pretty? Chiyouri… Chi_you_ri… sounds important! Right? And it does have a 'Lee' at the end… kind of. Right? What do you think it means? Beautiful Bloody Leaf? A bit violent… Beautiful Leaf Blood? Not like a Sand-nin to say our blood is beautiful… Hmm, maybe…"

Gaara said nothing, but he touched the baby's cheek as though to make sure she was still alright now that she was no longer Lee. He looked distinctly unhappy.

"Should I write Gai-sensei?" Lee offered. "I know he's out on a mission, but--"

"You've written him seven times already," Gaara told him, running a finger over Chiyouri's lips.

"But he has so many pearls of wisdom to dispense!" Lee insisted.

"It means Leaf-Blooded Beauty," Gaara told him. "Do not write to that man again." If Lee hadn't know better, he'd have said his boyfriend was working up a mean pout.

Lee sighed, looking down at the wrinkled paper in his hands, Leaf-Blooded Beauty staring back up at him in its bold crimson lettering. "Chiyouri," Lee said again, tracing Beauty with his fingertip. "It's a good name, Gaara."

"Better than Self-Loving Demon," Gaara murmured, "but not as good as Lee." Casting an accusatory glare at the man who bore that name, the Kazekage pulled baby Chiyouri closer and slunk off toward his private rooms.

Lee went to write Gai-sensei.

* * *

"I think she has my hair," Naruto determined with a nod. "Yup, definitely my hair. See how it's all stick-out-y-like?"

"Naruto, move. I need to examine Chiyouri, Tsunade-sama's orders," Sakura demanded. "And she does NOT have your hair!"

"Touch it, and I will kill you," Gaara told her, pulling the baby closer. The sand in his gourd shifted menacingly.

"Gaara, please learn to call the baby SHE," Lee urged.

"Yeah, so I know her hair's black, Sakura-chan," Naruto told her, "but it looks JUST like mine! It must be my super positive influence on--"

"Kazekage-sama," Sakura urged, so frustrated she could just about spit, "all I need to do is--"

"Go away," Gaara ordered, eyes narrowed to slits.

"No killing in front of the baby, Gaara," Lee chided. "Darling Chiyouri is still in the first blossom of her childhood, and she'll end up with developmental issues! Now just undress her so Sakura-san can take a--"

"No."

"Hey, I wanna see!" Naruto announced, bouncing from foot to foot. "What does her bellybutton look like? Oh oh, and her toes! When they say 'soft as a baby's butt,' what do they mean? And what about--"

"Sakura-san, when did you say Gai-sensei would be arriving, again?" Lee interrupted, eyes sparkly.

Sakura sighed. It was going to be a long day.


End file.
